He Never Complained
by 9shadowcat9
Summary: He never complained. He never complained when the fists beat his small body, he never cried when the insults were thrown. He never left when the sweet, beautiful voice wished him hurt or death. MXN MXM warning; rape.  when did I say this was complete?
1. Chapter 1

He never complained. He never complained when the fists beat his small body, he never cried when the insults were thrown. He never left when the sweet, beautiful voice wished him hurt or death. He broke slowly as the words chipped away at his already breaking heart.

He locked himself in his dark room, white in the stained darkness. He always found him, cursing his existence, his being. Near had learned to deal with the blonde's insistent hate for him, never saying anything. He saw the bruises on Mello's only friend, and he never said a thing. He never complained when his arm broke or he was thrown down the stairs.

He never screamed when the blonde stripped him and raped him. He was nothing, a speck no one would miss. Near had given up on hoping, reaching out a hand for Mello to take, it always ended up broken. Mello never noticed the soul dying inside his small body, bruises hidden by the overly large clothes he wore. Not that Mello ever cared. Never cared. He never cared.

And that is the truth of the world. No one ever cares about you unless you do something for them. That's why Wammy's existed, to make the next L. It wouldn't exist without Watari's need for a new L. And it would shut down when that need was fulfilled. Near knew it, they were all being used. But he didn't care, he was just Mello's broken toy. And Mello hadn't realised how broken he was.

But if the beatings were the only way to get Mello to notice him he'd accept it, because that's the only way. Near wished there was another though as he nursed his body which was more like glass then bone now.

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Another day, another beating, another drop of blood spilled staining the cream carpets that would be cleaned within the hour. No one stopped Mello, because no one cared. No one cared in Wammy's about anyone. They were all broken, creations of the prison that was almost mistaken for a Haven. Mello had learned long ago to defend yourself or die. That that was the rule of the world and Mello lived by that.

The pathetic sheep at his feet coughed up some blood, he'd probably bitten his lip again, and all Mello did was sneer. He ignored the small tinge he felt in the back of his mind akin to guilt, instead admiring the crimson in the white hair. _So beautiful…_ The words he could never voice. _Near, just give in. Scream for me…_ The plea he hated but thought anyway. The emotionless boy looked at Mello slowly, blankly, and smiled gently. Mello bit back a scream of fury and kicked again. _So many mistakes, so many regrets, so little thought._ It never ceased to amaze Mello how the children just walked past without glancing at them, how the adults avoided the corridor to avoid trouble. It disgusted him.

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The day ended leaving the two boys with wounds, only one person with visible wounds. Near had long since given up cleaning the blood out of his hair at night since it just came back by the morning. Mello watched the child from a distance but never once tried to help. He caused the wounds, felt the sick joy with every crack he heard, but never once did he hear a scream or a plea for him to stop.

Because Mello would have. He would have stopped. Stubborn sheep. Stupid, stubborn sheep. He would have stopped and he would have comforted the child if he had cried. But he didn't. He never cried. He never screamed. He never let Mello into his life. And for that Mello hated him. But at the same time he loved him.

Neither child realised all they had to do was raise their voices and they would get what they want. Mello continued to try to get Near to open up to him and Near continued to allow the beatings for his attention but neither realised the other was shattering. Because neither looked beyond their pain.

Wammy's had broken them, like the jigsaw Near played with.


	2. Chapter 2

Wammy's was a prison, but also a home. At least, that's what he liked to think. A home is where you feel safe. A home is where your family is. Wammy's lacked both of them. In the night you could feel the fear in the air but no one ever commented on it. Looked at it. Stopped it. It was all about the rankings, below second and you're nothing. The game beeped in the empty office, the red head hidden under a table with a body warmer wrapped around him. The beeps were all he heard, never the screams he should. Mello was missing again.

He knew somewhere blood would be flowing like a river and bruises would be flowering on pale skin. Matt only thanked God it wasn't him that night.

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Matt cowered in the corner as the foot hit him, the eyes glaring at him accusingly. Near, the child who'd put up with so much, gave one last kick before falling to the floor, eyes watering but never crying. "Fight back..." Near begged. "Please... Fight back..." Matt looked at him and smiled sadly, sitting up and rearranging his goggles.

"Same time tomorrow?" Matt asked standing up. Power. It was all about power in Wammy's. Mello had it all and everyone did what they could to regain it. Near frowned and kicked Matt. Near was thin and weak, his body falling backwards after that one attempt as he lost his balance. Matt looked down upon the boy and grinned, moving so he was leaving.

"There will be no tomorrow." Near hissed. But there would be; there was always tomorrow. There were always the attempts to regain your power. The power you never had to begin with.

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"You know Matt," Mello began biting the chocolate with a loud snap. "You're mildly pathetic. You never do anything. Why do I even bother with an unthankful idiot like yourself?" Matt's fingers paused over the game before continuing their small dance on the buttons. Matt had memorized where every button was but he didn't look up, that would mean challenging Mello. Mello watched in boredom. "Answer me." Mello ordered.

"Yes Mello." Matt muttered. The hand snatched the game and threw it on the floor, a boot smashing down onto it until it was nothing more than wires and gears. Matt looked at Mello only to have something slash his face. Mello licked the bloody blade before moving to kick Matt. Matt only curled up to stop the pain. Mello paused.

"M… Matty…" Mello whispered in horror. He fell to his knees and hugged the red head tightly, running a hand threw his hair. "Oh Matty…" Matt whined, fighting the urge to push Mello away. Mello clashed his lips harshly onto Matt's, forcing entry into Matt's mouth and biting Matt's lip until he drew blood. Matt just lay there, used to what would happen next.

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Not even Near could hold back his cry as Matt swung down the metal pole repeatedly, he only hit Near's leg. Only the leg. Near couldn't die from that, could he? Near screamed in agony as Matt pulled out a knife and furiously stabbed the floor near him. A wrong move and Near was nursing a bleeding arm. Near squirmed trying to escape, only to be punched repeatedly in the face. Matt began screaming curses, each more foul then the last. Each one aimed at the person he could consider his only friend. The bloody pole rested to the side, no longer needed. The blood painted the wall in a simple arc. "STOP MATT!" Near screamed.

"ALL YOU DO IS HURT ME!" Matt spat out before thinking of something. Near registered the sick grin before Matt began to undo Near's top. "You can fix me, right? You can help stop the pain." Matt begged, tears fogging up the goggles. Near whimpered, slapping the boy only for the gamer to grab Near's hair and smash his head into the floor repeatedly. Near stared ahead of him, unable to register his body being stripped. Or maybe he just didn't want to acknowledge it.

The blonde watched from the door with a odd look on his face. He bit his lip to stop his tears, covering his ears. He left them, not hearing Near's sobs as the child realized he'd been abandoned again, like a toy. Mello could trust Matt to be gentle with Near, more gentle then he ever was. Mello smirked. But Near was his again tomorrow. Near would always be his.

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Wammy's house was a prison, but it was also the institute set up to find the next L. It was also their home. If one could call it that. Home is where you're safe, Wammy's is anything but. There is no law, there is only power. And power is so easy to steal.


	3. Chapter 3

**9shadowcat9; I did this without spell check so no comments on spelling. - -' At least you got an update.**

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L loved visiting Wammy's and it wasn't because of the unlimited free sweets he got. It helped, but that wasn't it. It was because he felt appreciated in Wammy's, in his line of work no one knew who he was. He was L, the worlds greatest detective. He was a letter without a face, a path he willingly chose. But sometimes it was nice to see the children happy to see him, like he was a father figure. That wasn't why he was here today though. No, today he was here to choose an heir.

Admittidly he preffered Mello, Matt and Near work together. Sadly this would never happen. Mello needed to be in control, something that would never happen with Matt. The boy obeyed to an extent, but pushed down to far and he would snap. Mello needed to be first, but that would never happen with Near. Near was to intelligent, to locked in his own world. Mello would never over take him. And Matt needed emotional support, something he couldn't get with the emotionless child. That's why Matt worked so well with Mello, Mello gave him space and Matt had a pillar for support.

That's what Roger's reports _told_ him anyways, and that's why L was going to Wammy's. To check the information was correct. If it was he'd choose Mello as the next L. Intelligence was nothing if you didn't understand someone's thought process, something that Near lacked.

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Roger hated L coming to Wammy's. L never told him he was coming and that meant Roger trying to neaten out the place behind L's back. Something L always noticed but never comented on. In fact, L often used Roger trying to tidy as an excuse to flee and find the brat's L considered his heirs. Roger hated them, Roger hated L coming to Wammy's.

Which was why when L slouched into his office Roger almost grabbed a whisky bottle. L merely smiled slightly and walked out again, goal of annoying Roger complete. Now to find his heirs and tell them Mello was the next L.

The first one he found was Matt, who upon spotting him pulled his slightly cracked goggles over his black eye, in a fight maybe?, and walk away with a hidden limp. L frowned and followed the red head quickly, cornering Matt in a abandoned corridor. "Matt is unhappy to see me?" L asked sadly, remembering the days when Matt would simply tackle L in a tight hug and talk about his latest game. "...Where is Matt's game?" L questionned suddenly, Matt was never seen without one. As a child it was a board game such as Chess due to restrictions set by Roger and now it was video games. Matt without one was... _wrong._

"...Dropped it." Matt muttered quietly, averting his eyes from L's searching gaze. L noticed tell tale signs of lying immediatly, Matt never could stop himself from twitching his fingers when he lied. L grinned despite the situation, Matt was still as easy to read as a basic murderer.

"Matt is a liar." Matt flinched jerking back so his back hit the wall and his leg gave way sending Matt falling to the floor on his side with a cry. L watched wide eyed thinking. "Someone has harmed Matt." L observed aloud. Matt snarled.

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU KNOW? YOU DON'T LIVE HERE!" Matt screamed getting up and storming away, vision as red as his hair. L watched him leave in confusion, as Matt paused and looked at L as if thinking, "About Mello..." Matt bit his lip, so hard blood dripped down his chin. L stayed quiet. "He would be a great L." Matt said smiling slightly before walking off. L spotted the more pronounced limp and tried to work out what had just happened. He couldn't work it out.

L turned and walked to the Kitchen, determined to eat cake. Cake is good. He paused hearing voices. "Did you hear L was here?" A voice whispered. Linda. L smiled remembering the girl who often made flower crowns and wore them constantly. She was a talented artist from Roger's reports. "I wonder if Mello knows..."

"I hope not, Near's went through alot without this." Another voice, Devon maybe?, whispered back. The thief who was last in the rankings. Would probably be kicked out in a few months. L's eyes widened and he listened further. "I'd have died if it was me by now."

"Shhh... You know Mello doesn't like talk like that..." Linda hushed urgently. There was a shuffling of paper. "Matt was limping again."

"So was Near, think Mello did decided to do two in one night this time?" Devon continued, obviously ignoring the urgency in Linda's voice. L narrowed his eyes, still confused. What did Mello have to do with it? And where was Near anyway? He was often in the playroom with his jigsaw.

"Maybe, Mello's often unpredictable." Linda sighed and the door handle turned. L watched the door open and Linda step out, freezing and dropping the papers she held.

"Care to explain?" L asked in a failed attempt at being intimidating. Linda looked at L then darted down the corridor, not bothering with her paper. L looked into the room and saw Devon had fled out the window into the large garden off Wammy's, not bothering to turn off the TV. The boy who supposedly feared nothing had heard L talking and ran.

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Mello sat in the kitchen rubbing a knife blade over his thumb. He then looked at the shivering child near him. Mello narrowed his eyes, Near refused to talk to Mello. To tell the blonde who hurt him. Mello already knew of course, he would punish Matt for hurting Near that night, he wanted to check Near's loyalty to him. Near obviously held none since he refused to tell Mello anything about Matt. Mello's hand suddenly darted out, leaving the blade, and began to stroke Near's hair gently.

Mello placed the blade on the table and moved so he was almost kissing Near, stopping at the last minute and instead leaning down and licking Near's neck. Near whimpered but didn't pull back. _Tell me to stop._ Mello thought angrily biting on Near's throat. Near opened his mouth in a silent cry, but still said nothing. _Tell me. _Mello bit harder drawing blood. _TELL ME!_ Mello sucked at the bite mark harshly so the flesh was red and licked away the blood. Near let out a low moan of pain. _So that's all I am to you..._ Mello thought sadly. _Why wont you talk to me?_

Near bit his lip but refused to talk, partly happy at the contact Mello was giving him and partly sad Mello only seemed to wish to cause him pain. Mello moved his head away and pulled Near onto his lap, simply hugging Near tightly as if he was going to disappear.

_Only the strong get what they want... _

Without realising Mello squeezed Near's hurt arm and caused the wound to open, staining Near's pyjama top. Near still refused to cry despite the water building in his eyes. To cry is to be weak. So very weak...

Mello moved his arms so one was wrapped around Near's waist and one was wrapped around his neck halting any escape attempt Near could have made if he wished to. And he did, Near merely knew it was futile. Mello would only hurt him more. So Near sat there limply, like a doll. A broken, fragile doll shivering slightly. Mello rested his head only Near's head lightly and didn't move, but at the same time didn't lighten his vice grip.

This was how L found them ten minutes later, eyes narrowing when he saw the fear in Near's eyes.

Things had just gotten worse.


	4. Chapter 4

L had been in many situations, had solved many abuse cases and had been raised in the name of justice. But he had no idea what to do when he saw his two successors in such a position, Near's eyes pleading with him while Mello observed him as if L was a threat. Suddenly Mello's eyes widened. "L?" Mello gasped. It had been years since L visited. One of L's greatest regrets. "L!" Mello cheered shoving Near off him so Near hit the ground and moving to tackle L happily in a hug. L stopped him with a simple hand on his shoulder and instead helped up Near who looked at L in confusion.

"L is... helping me?" Near muttered with a pause as his mind processed the information offered. L watched in confusion as Near's eyes widened and moved away from L quickly. L suddenly realised why, his last visit Near was sick... and the time before that having a broken arm treated. "You are L..." Near realised in horror. _Stay away from L..._ L moved closer to try to reassure Near, to calm him down as Near began to hyperventilate. "NO!" Near screamed running out of the room leaving L confused and Mello looking at the door in mild pride. At least Near listened to him, now to work on his obediance...

"Is Near ok?" L asked Mello, noting Mello's growing smirk in surprise and suspicion. Near had looked at Mello before he ran.

"Near's sick." Mello dismissed. "So, why are you here?" Mello began to pester eagerly. L looked between Mello and the door.

"I should go check on Near, I have yet to speak to him." L noticed Mello's eyes darken in annoyance and thought back, Mello had obviously done something to stop Near seeing him... "Goodbye Mello." L slouched out of the kitchen biting his thumb, deep in thought about what he'd seen so far.

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Near found his way to Matt's room surprisingly quickly and snuck in, noticing Matt playing his DS nonchalantly. Matt looked at Near, grunted in greeting and went back to his DS. Near then noticed the smell. Near gagged and threw open a window to get rid of the cigerette smoke. "What? Mello's going to kill me anyway." Matt defended as Near grabbed the half-full cigerette packet and moved to chuck it. Near paused and handed it back.

"Better to die of cancer." Near agreed. "Less painful." He thought at least... Matt chuckled humorlessly lighting a cigerette with a silver lighter, breathing in blissfully. He saved and ended the game as Near sat in a corner, moving the numerous energy drink cans and bottles nearer to the overflowing bin, where it would hopefully be cleaned soon. If the cleaners dared clean Matt's room. Meaning not likely.

"Mello will find you if you stay." Matt muttered unwillingly after a minute of silence. Near flinched at the thought.

"Can I stay? ...Just for a few more minutes..." Near pleaded quietly. "L's here."

"I saw." Matt sighed. "Do what I did, talk and leave at the first oppertunity. He never suspects anything, if he does he never follows it up."

"That's... worrying."

"It's been happening for years, L's probably just put it down to quirks." Matt grunted lying down on his bed, picking up a vodka bottle and depositing it under his bed with a flick of his wrist. He looked at Near, breathing out smoke after a long drag. "L won't bother you, trust me. Just be as difficult as possible." Near nodded at the advice thankfully, Matt neglecting to mention how Mello 'found' him for talking to L for even a few _minutes_. Mello says no talking, he means no talking.

Near didn't need to know that though, he was scared enough as it was.

Near stood up thinking over his new knowledge sat on the end of Matt's bed. A well placed kick saw Near falling off the bed in shock. "If you're going to lie on the bed, lie next to me." Matt commented looking down. Near nodded quickly scrabbling up onto the bed and lying down, facing away from Matt. "Sorry..." Matt apologized stubbing out the cigerette on a random dictionary.

"About?" Matt had alot to apologize for.

"The leg." Near accepted the apology, silently wishing Mello would apologize for his actions. That thought was quickly dashed as the door slammed open and Mello stormed in, eyes widening at the sight of Near and Matt lying next to each other. Near watched Mello approach, silent again, as Mello grabbed a fistful of white hair and tugged, pulling Near onto the floor. Near landed with a crash and a internal whine. Mello glared shoving Near onto the floor and kicking. Matt watched coldly pulling out a third or fourth cigerette and lighting. Mello's eyes widened.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" Mello screamed storming over to Matt and snatching it, Matt's eyes widened as Mello grabbed Matt's hand in a fierce grip and stubbed the cigerette out on Matt's arm, Matt couldn't hold back his scream. "Now are you going to smoke again?" Mello hissed looking Matt in the eye.

"N... No..." Matt gasped wide eyed, water building in his eyes. Mello grinned twistedly, turning the cigerette slowly between his finger tips to prolong the torture.

"LET MATT GO!" Near screamed pounding small fists weakly on Mello's back. Mello paused before turning around and slapping Near.

"Leave Near!" Matt snapped holding his injured hand. "I forced him into my bed!" Mello paused.

"...Did you now?" Mello asked lightly. Near froze at the silky voice Mello talked in, it was never a good sign. Mello released Near smirking. "Near, did Matt force you to enter his room?" Near blinked back tears.

"Yes." Matt cut in.

"No." Near replied. Mello punched Matt still grinning.

"I don't like liars." Mello laughed loudly still punching Matt's face until blood dripped from his fist. Matt grabbed a bin and knelt over it, letting the blood drip into it slowly. Mello knelt next to the shivering white haired boy and hugged him, unknowingly covering Near in blood. "You're mine, right?" Mello muttered, maybe pleaded. Near looked at Mello in confusion, about to answer when Mello kissed his lips gently, biting Near's lip when he refused to return it.

Near tried to pull back only to have Mello grab the back of his neck stopping him. Seeing no other alternative, Near responded.

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Five minutes later Near stumbled into the TV room, uncaring about his stained white pajamas. As he expected Mary Poppins was on and half the students were watching. Especially the one he needed. The blonde girl lay on the floor, curled into a tight ball with only her head sticking out to watch the movie. Along her face was a pale scar, curling so it crossed part of her neck. Near shuddered seeing it and walked closer to her. The other students edged away from Near like the plague to Near's sadness. It was lonely sometimes when only Matt was your friend, and even Matt was questionable. "Dove." Her grandmothers name, she'd adopted it upon arriving. Dove sat up and blinked seeing Near, moving a hand she covered one eye. _Mello._ Near nodded and the mute girl stood up and walked near to him.

Near blinked in confusion until Dove leant forward and latched onto Near in a comforting but sad hug. Near immediately tried to push her off, Mello had banned all contact with Near without Mello's presence and spoken permission. Touched him without one of those things and you entered the hospital breathing through a tube if you were lucky. One unlucky person had ended up in a wheelchair with his neck broken.

Mello had apologized to Near, but that was only because Near had locked himself in his room with a razor. Mello did care… maybe. Near was no longer sure about anything. Dove tightened her grip and brushed her check against Near's by accident. Near shuddered again feeling the soft ridge of the scar. He hated it. "Matt needs help." Dove pulled back and pointed at Near's pajamas. "Mello hugged me." Near explained, at once Dove took three steps back and Near was alone again.

It was a lonely experience, Near could remember the days of his arrival. The midnight parties with the teachers drugged with sleeping pills, late night kitchen raids, playing tag (he always lost but Near still had fun), that had all stopped. Now all Near could do was his puzzles in case one of the orphans walked into him by mistake. It was the same for Matt, all he could do was play his games in his own world. Matt had experienced it for longer though, the red head's skin now crawled whenever someone touched him. He shied away from any contact other then Near or Mello's. The latter out of fear of trying to fight back.

Near led Dove to Matt's room and opened the door only to freeze. Mello was hugging Matt to his chest. "Please don't hate me… Please don't hate me…. Please don't hate me…" Mello chanted wide eyed, his fingers tangled in Matt's blood colored hair. Matt didn't move, eyed narrowed in hate at his blood stained wall, dried blood on his chin, clothing… everywhere. "I don't want you to die, you understand right? Right?" Matt's hand touched his burn and flinched, he understood alright.

Dove walked in and touched Near's arm for the white haired boys attention. As soon as Mello spotted her, he stood up and stormed over, grabbing Dove's neck. "WHO THE HELL SAID YOU COULD TOUCH HIM?" Mello watched her open and shut her mouth pathetically. Near bit back a yell as Mello slapped Dove. "So you're the wannabe medic huh? The pathetic little whore. Feh, hear you're a lesbian to. Who'd want to date a freaky little scarface like you?" Dove bit her lip as tears formed, pointing at Near. "Like Near would date you!" Mello hollered throwing Dove on the floor and stomping on her hand. A sickening crunch was heard and Near ran forward, shutting his eyes in terror as he hugged Mello.

"Please… I need her to look at Matt…" Near begged, watching the blonde sob. Dove sat up and edged away, holding the broken hand near her breasts. She stood up and tried to run, only for Mello to stop her.

"Near invited you bitch, least you can do is your job." He hissed shoving her towards Matt. Matt merely looked at Dove blankly as she nursed her hand, it was her signing hand.

"Can you sign?" Matt asked. Dove shook her head and gestured to the most obvious injury, the burn. She'd treat that and leave. Matt understood perfectly, Mello normally never attacked the students who helped Near and him, Mello probably knew that sending Matt to the hospital ward with L in the building was suicide. Mello watched Dove freeze as she leant forward and smirked.

"You can help him." Mello said smugly, wrapping a arm around Near's waist possessively. Near ignored the sticky drying blood on Mello's clothing and focused instead on the gentle contact. Dove finished cleaning and bandaging the wound in record time, fleeing before Mello could stop her. She'd never help Near and Matt again with their wounds. Neither would any other student if that's what happened. "See, I let her help Matt, are you grateful?" Mello's voice was sickening, with a disgusting satisfaction.

"Mello only did it to make sure L never learned." Near muttered before he could stop himself.

_Stop it Near… I meant it, why do you never believe me?_ Mello looked angrily at the white head. _Why?_ Near looked away from Mello feeling the fury in his blue eyes. Mello smirked and leant down, running a tongue over Near's exposed neck. _So that's what you wanted, you could have asked._ Mello chuckled biting down causing Near to moan before he could stop himself. Matt looked away in disgust, fingering the loose, crudely down bandages angrily. Dove was normally perfect with bandaging, she'd had plenty of practice. Mello had scared her off.

Just like with everyone else that tried to help Matt. Matt felt a wave of hate for a minute, no. Mello was doing this to protect him, that was all. Besides, he was worse when it came to Near. Speaking of which, Near had escaped Mello's grip and was now cornered in the corner. "M… M… M…" Near stuttered in horror. Mello smirked and punched Near.

"Shut up." _Wrong, everything's wrong. Near's not meant to fear me. Near's not meant to run to Matt for comfort. Dove's not meant to run from me. Wrong, wrong, wrong. _Unfortunately at that moment L walked in having finally found Matt's room. L narrowed his eyes at Mello and Near.

"Mello, office. Near and Matt, hospital ward." L snapped. It was obvious this had gone on longer then it should off.

"L…" Mello muttered pathetically, wide eyed.

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_**9shadowcat9 here with a A/N! XD Just to say… tell me what you think! :3 And if you have any complaints about Dove, she's not coming back. Well, she may but not in anything important. She was a means to an end. Other then that, **_

_**I want your opinions. Happy ending, sad ending or an open ending for you to decide yourselves. Please tell me! :D**_


	5. Chapter 5

Near looked at Mello for orders, was he to do what L said? Or would Mello beat Near up for moving? Matt did the same. "Now!" They all obeyed at last, L watching as Matt limped past and listing probable reasons. The main one he could think of was Rape. If he was right, Mello would be out of Wammy's before he could blink. As Near walked past he took L's sleeve shaking.

"L will not kick out Mello, he has no reason to." Near stated coolly before continuing to walk. Mello blinked. Near was _defending _him? So Near knew all he had to do was tell Mello to stop, maybe Near was Masochist? Mello shook himself mentally as he followed L, he'd think after this.

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"Mello, what were you doing to Near?" L started calmly, watching Mello frown.

"Kissing him." Mello shrugged suddenly smirking. L sighed.

"Mello, I came here to tell you; you were the next L. After… this…. However, I feel it would be better if I waited one more year…" L sighed, Mello was too clever to dismiss, he'd done that to BB and look what happened with _that._ "Why do you do it Mello?"

"Why what?" Mello was confused by the question.

"Why do you abuse Matt and Near? They are your… friends… correct?" L wanted to call them acquaintances; friend certainly wasn't the right word. Mello frowned.

"That's why I do it. If I don't they'll be hurt. Especially Near… so small and cute…." Mello smiled sweetly picturing the white haired boy in his mind, small and adorable with his large grey eyes and soft lips… "They understand." Mello added seeing L's disbelief.

"Mello, am I correct in believing you've raped Matt and Near?" L needed to know, Linda and Devon's conversation floated through his mind

"It wasn't rape, it was sex." Mello was blunt. "'Making love' some call it." Mello added happily. "I love Near and he love me, Matt's my best friend, that's all there is to it."

"Mello…" L was sad. "What you were doing isn't love. It's abuse." Mello scowled jumping up angrily.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN _ABUSE_? MY FATHER DID IT TO MY MOTHER DAILY AND SHE WAS FINE! THEY WERE FINE!" Mello screamed stomping on the floor. _Stop lying stop lying stop lying! Near loves me! Matt is my friend!_ "YOU HEAR ME?"

"I hear you Mello. And you honestly believe that… nonsense." L was cruel with his words. "You are smarter then that Mello."

"SHUT UP!" Mello stopped panting, fisting his hair. His face was red from his screaming as the tears fell down his face.

"Your mother hunger herself, after shooting him. That is not fine." L continued. Mello remembered now, he'd watched from a cupboard wide eyed. _The weak always loose_. If that was true… why was this happening? L sighed, pitying the boy. "You are no longer allowed near Matt and Near without their permission. You are allowed to continue attending Wammy's, and you are still in line to be my heir." L watched Mello's face fall into despair.

"Not… allowed near…. Near? But…. I love him…." Mello whispered the final words so quietly L missed them completely, focusing instead on the crestfallen look.

"You are banned from trips for three weeks, you may not eat chocolate for the rest of the month and if you harm any other student, you will be removed from Wammy's. Permanently." L concluded. Mello gaped before shaking his head stepping back. L wouldn't be that cruel…. L knew what the title meant to him… no… no. NO. NO!

"Y… Yes L…." Mello stuttered through his tears. L didn't spare Mello a second glance as the blonde fled.

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Near and Matt didn't know it, but when Dove had agreed to help them with their wounds, the rest of Wammy's had turned their backs on her. Mello now knew how that felt, two weeks after L had banned him from being near the small boy. Mello looked at his hands, feeling cold. With these hands he'd ruined his life. With these hands he'd harmed his best friend and love. A loud crash made Mello look up from his lonely spot near the wall, ignoring this was where he'd seen Matt raping Near.

Dove picked up her books fearfully seeing she'd caught Mello's attention. Mello was struck by an idea, if he befriended someone then proved he could be friends without beating them then Near would come back to him! The very idea made Mello grin. Dove paled and turned to run. Mello followed, picking up the last of her forgotten books on the way.

Mello was easily the most active person in Wammy's, for more than beating people up. Mello exercised regularly to keep fit, it helped keep his brain active when he revised. Dove on the other hand was a book worm. She lived in the library, she only left during the TV movie hours, and that was because she could sit with the other kids and they couldn't get rid of her. She was lonely to, Mello reasoned to himself, so she WILL be willing to be Mello's friend. Mello chuckled, L had only ordered him away from Matt and Near.

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Near looked at Matt nervously as the red head hugged him crying. Near was at a loss of what to do, normally when Matt cried Mello appeared (somehow) and cheered up Matt by playing games with him. Mello was not constantly cruel to Matt, only Near. Always Near. Matt was lost without Mello…

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Mello caught up with Dove easily and grabbed her arm tightly. Dove froze shivering, shaking her head in fear. "Hey Dove." Mello's voice was light, Dove narrowed her eyes suspiciously. "Wanna be my friend?" He didn't wait for a reply, dragging the internally screaming girl to his room. That's what friends did after all, study together. Who knows? Maybe he'd help Dove get out of last place!

Actually, Dove had come first once. L had tried a new test on medical skills; Dove had passed everyone with flying colors. Mello had been last. Mello had been angry but now he knew that she became good through helping Near and Matt, he forgave her now. Mello shoved the girl roughly into his room and locked the door. The odds she'd try to run (again) were to high Mello mused as he pocketed the key calmly. Mello wouldn't have blamed her though; everyone knew he'd been caught. No one knew what had happened to her hand however. Mello looked guiltily at the bandages. Dove blinked holding out her hand in confusion. Mello merely walked past and picked up one of his notebooks.

"Let's study." Mello grinned to Dove's eternal confusion._ I'll use her and then Near will come back to me, maybe I'll get another friend._ Mello realized suddenly. Mello felt giddy. _And she's a medic. No, I can't hurt Near and Matt again. Never again._

Dove sighed and began reading Mello's notes in boredom, noting they were in Russian. Mello noticed her confusion before remembering Dove was… exempt… from all language classes. "I'll read them to you." Dove handed over the notes fearful of what would happen if she tried to leave.

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Near sat in Matt's room, Matt had gone into a cleaning frenzy to the point where if Near tilted his head he could see the floor, it was the cleanest it had been in years. It was… scary. Matt was acting like a man possessed and had been since Mello left. Near sighed, feeling lonelier than he had in months, at least Mello had acted like he cared.

Matt picked up a half empty vodka bottle and knocked it back, ignoring the overflow dripping out of his mouth. "…I miss Mello. I will apologize." Near muttered standing up. Matt barely glanced his way as Near left the room. Near missed the tears falling down the red heads face. Near reached the wished for floor quickly, looking around nervously. The corridor was like a grave, silent. Until Near heard the voice.

"And then you times this by this." Mello continued to explain, watching as Dove made notes on a piece of paper. "And you half that…" Mello smiled at Dove and heard a pained gasp. Mello looked up to see Near watching angrily.

"So I was replaceable to Mello." Near spat out turning in fury.

"Near!" Mello ran to the door but Near was already gone. Dove placed a comforting hand on Mello's shoulder, maybe he wasn't so bad… "Near…" Dove tried to give a comforting smile but Mello didn't look her way. Mello suddenly looked at Dove coldly, eyes narrowed. Dove blinked in confusion and Mello slapped her, sending to the floor holding her cheek. "IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT SLUT!" Mello screeched kicking Dove. He froze. "I… I…" Dove sat up gingerly, touching her check and flinching. "Dove…." Dove stood up and moved to leave, Mello grabbed her arm. "Who said you could leave?" Mello hissed furiously grabbing Dove's neck. He squeezed. _So this is what it's like to kill. No wonder people do it so much… _After a few minutes Mello released her and began CPR, he might have failed but he'd still save her.

Dove came back to life with a pained gasp, clutching her bruised neck. "I own you." Mello informed her smirking.

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Near ran back to his own room and dived under his covers, pulling them to his chin. "Mello…" Near whispered closing his eyes, he wasn't hurt by the betrayal. He didn't feel pain in his heart. He didn't wish for death to claim his soul. But he did. They were all true no matter how much he denied the feelings, finally making a plan. Near got out of his bed, walked over to his drawers and pulled out a flick knife. Near sniffed bitterly already planning.

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_**Is**__**there a plot? I think so. Is Dove sticking around? For one or two more chapters. Also, sorry to say I should never have offered a happy ending. It's impossible without making it OoC. :/ All those who wanted angst, you got it. I'm not in the mood for happy writing. R&R please!**_


	6. I hate this chapter

Near liked to think he was always calm, in control of his emotions and all of that but the image of Dove and Mello haunted him for the next few weeks, to the point where he missed the signs. He'd experienced the abuse for years, watched how it affected Matt, so he should have known what it meant when Dove began using make up, when she stopped wearing her blue dresses and instead wore a long sleeve jumper and baggy trousers. But Near missed it completely, just like he missed Matt slowly falling apart.

Matt had fallen behind in class, stopped attending the ones he shared with Mello, but he didn't approach Mello out of fear. Matt knew he was pathetic, Mello was right. Matt was nothing but a bug in the world. So Matt hacked. Matt hacked everything, even Wammy's files but mainly the FBI database, solving their crimes without their consent. They didn't know who he was, couldn't trace him but Matt finally felt like he was worth something. So he continued, even when his body began to show signs of stress and he stopped sleeping.

Near was still first, like Mello was going to make him drop his score, and Mello was still second. Dove was still last, breaking down in tears during class at least twice a week. The teachers ignored her to Mello's pleasure; it was his job to comfort her. She was _his_ friend after all. L had left to go on a new case and thus stopped watching Wammy's. The teachers had stopped watching Mello.

Dove watched Mello eat his chocolate bar with relish, recognising the fact Mello was addicted. He had stopped being as cruel to her after he began eating it, less prone to turning from gentle to violent. Dove touched her black sleeve, hiding a bruise on the lower part of her arm where he'd grabbed her. She'd been talking to Devon and Mello had seen, luckily Mello hadn't attacked Devon... yet. Mello had been forgiving, understanding she needed to get used to the new rules. Dove was thankful.

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Near flipped open his knife before shutting it again, watching from behind the door as Mello hugged Dove. She'd broken down crying in class again. Near frowned, pathetic. But he knew Dove wasn't as emotionally strong as him and Matt. As normal Dove left the room after a few hours, after applying her makeup and straightening out her clothes. Near followed coldly, he needed to know something before he continued his plan. Dove paused and turned, eyes like ice. Any warmth they'd once held was now gone. She saw Near and shrugged, continuing to walk. Near blinked. "Does Dove... regret helping us?" Near asked suddenly.

Dove nodded once before continuing to her room.

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Near put his plan into action after another few weeks. More out of kindness for Dove then for his own pleasure. Dove was surprisingly easy to hunt down, hiding in her room. Near spotted where she'd cleaned up blood easily. "Is Dove ok?"

Dove glared at Near wiping her face with her sleeve. A fresh bruise rested on her cheek. "I see..." Near's voice was emotionless as he sat in front of her. "Does Dove hate Mello? Does Dove wish Mello pain?" Dove nodded, eyes watering before she broke down in silent tears. "I can help." Dove looked at Near wide eyed, unable to voice her shock. Near held out his knife. "Mello will be hurt by Dove's death." Dove fell back in horror, before slapping the knife away furiously. "Mello will not be stopped while abusing you. L stopped Mello because I am ranked first and Matt is... was ranked third." Now Matt was lucky to be ranked eigth. "Dove is last, No one will save her." Dove's eyes fell, acknowledging what she thought was the truth. She signed 'pathetic' sadly. Near didn't agree, she was strong spiritually.

But Dove couldn't know that. Near needed to get rid of Dove.

"Dove may come to me if she ever needs anything." Near left, the seeds planted. Dove sat there, thinking wide eyed.

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"Matt?" Near sat on Matt's bed, watching the red head as he typed. A thrown apple was caught and Matt began eating it quickly, apple juice dripping down his chin. Matt finished the apple and threw it into a bin lazily.

"Thanks." Matt went back to typing, not really watching Near.

"I went to see Dove." The tapping of Matt typing paused before Matt restarted. Near watched Matt struggle with his emotions. "I might be able to get rid of her." Why was he so determined to? Dove meant Matt and Near weren't getting abused...

"Good." Matt commented coldly.

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It took over a month for Near's plan to go to the next stage, with Dove coming to Near's room and asking (signing) to borrow the knife. Near had bought it to protect himself, now he used it in his plan. Dove smiled and left.

She ran away from Wammy's the next day.

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"What do you mean you won't find her?" Mello screeched from Roger's room in fury. Roger sighed looking at the fallen genius who glared. "She needs to be found! She's a girl, who'll protect her from harm?" she needed to be protected... _First Near... now Dove... Why did everyone he cared for leave?_

"Mello, Dove is perfectly capable of defending herself." Roger met Mello's eyes. "I'd be more worried about Matt." Mello stiffened. "I didn't say anything." Roger dismissed, knowing his sentence had shown Mello that he didn't care about the rules L had set. Mello left the room to hunt down Matt, no longer thinking about Dove.

He found Matt inside his room, hacking into the FBI again. Mello couldn't face him, ashamed of his past actions. He left without a word.

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Matt finally snapped, getting up slowly. "Mello." Matt whispered pulling a revolver out of a drawer. "Mello will care for me again..." Matt was determined. "Mello will talk to me again." Matt walked to his door. "Mello will beat and rape me again." Matt froze and walked back to his computer. "Then L will send him away." Matt decided to leave Mello alone. Matt put the revolver away and returned to solving a murder case, unaware he had caught L's attention many miles away. Without his knowing, Matt was now considered one of L's successors.

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Dove's body was handed to Wammy's two days later, well her ashes. She'd bribed a crematory to burn her body under the name 'Alexis Brown' which Matt recognised as her real name due to hacking Wammy's database. She'd slashed her wrists open upon their agreement and he'd kept his word, handing her ashes to Roger. They were spread in the forest nearby and a letter she'd written given to Mello.

Mello couldn't find it within himself to cry since she'd died. She'd abandoned him and that meant she hated him. He ignored the fact she'd had herself cremated to hide the signs of abuse he'd caused her. He ignored the fact he knew the knife belonged to Near. Mello read the letter and scrunched it up angrily.

**See you in hell Mello.**

**Dove.**

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Things returned to normal until Roger called Mello and Near to his office, crossing his fingers as he observed Near with his puzzle and Mello watching Roger coldly.

"L is dead."

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**Wow, I killed her off quickly. :/ Like it? Hate it? Looks like He never complained is coming to an end now. :3 One to three more chapters me thinks. **


	7. Chapter 7

**9shadowcat9; I **_**really**_** don't like the last chapter. - -' It refused to come to me. #sigh# Whatever, I'm still struggling on Wammy's asylum as well, so damn you writers block.**

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Mello froze, his world collapsing around him at those words. _Should I be happy? Or should I be sad?_ Mello wondered in a haze as he screamed questions, grabbing Roger's coat threateningly. He was seeing red, jerk or no L was his idol.

"If you can't beat the game, if you can't solve the puzzle, you're nothing but a loser." Near muttered continuing his deceivingly white puzzle. Mello stared at Near. _Does Near hate L for what he did to us to?_ Mello suddenly realized. No. Near considered L a loser for dying. Mello blinked as Near restarted his puzzle lazily, knowing Mello was watching him desperately.

"…So… So which one of us…" Mello trailed off, this was to unreal. To soon. But he… he needed to know.

"Neither of you, yet. He can't choose now that he's dead." Roger watched the emotions flit over Mello's face, feeling pity towards the boy. First he lost Dove, now he lost L. Near remained emotionless. "Mello, Near, how about you work together?" Roger offered, hoping this could lessen the sting. It would never go away, but it might help. Near froze for a second, Mello noticed, and continued his moments calmly.

"Sure, sounds good." Near almost couldn't contain his glee. This meant that Mello would never leave! Never… And Matt could work with them!

"That's impossible Roger, you know Near and I don't get along." Mello spat out furiously. If he returned to Near… Near would get hurt. What if he beat Near so badly he was rendered unconscious or worse? He could kill Near like… like Dove… Mello still felt guilt. And that was his fault. All his fault. Near felt himself grow cold at Mello's cruel words, realizing the truth. Mello didn't care for Near.

Mello could remember all those years ago, trying to beat Near and failing. At first he'd put the albino being in his head constantly down to hate, but now he knew it was admiration. Love even. Mello loved Near. And that was why he'd leave. Maybe Italy to make an agreement with the mafia? Mello was already planning. "It's ok Roger, Near can be L's successor. Unlike me, he can solve the puzzle calmly and unemotionally." Roger nodded sadly. "I'm going now, I'll leave the orphanage." Mello announced suddenly, glancing at Near. Near froze, shaking. Joy maybe?

"Mello!" Roger called after the blonde as he turned to leave. Mello was to angry at Roger's interference to notice Near's tears which streamed onto the floor.

"I'm almost 15 anyway Roger." Mello concluded. As he left he moved towards Near's room, he'd be with the albino one last time.

Matt never crossed his mind.

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Near entered his room around an hour after Mello 'left', having finally stopped the tears. Mello was leaving again, again! Why was Mello determined to hurt him? The albino sniffed and felt a cold hand on his shoulder. Near began to turn to have the hand snake it's way around him, binding him to the persons chest. "Sorry about this." Mello grinned, not at all sorry as he dragged the struggling boy to the bed and throwing him on it. Mello lay down on the small shivering body and began to kiss Near, trying to send everything he felt in that one kiss. Near whined as Mello began to trail butterfly kisses down to his neck and sucked on the flesh angrily. Suddenly he bit, drawing blood.

Near screamed, grabbing Mello's shoulders but couldn't push him off despite his attempts. Mello chomped down harder, swallowing the blood happily. He alternated between biting and sucking expertly, making Near whimper in need. Mello pulled back and pulled out a pair of handcuffs, handcuffing Near to the bed. (Law class, couldn't beat it when it came to ability to steal the items. The teacher was as blind as a mole).

"Please… Mello…" Near begged seeing Mello pull away slowly. Mello slapped him for speaking out of turn, making Near apologize through a split lip. Mello smirked getting off the boy and stripping happily, who knew when he'd see Near again? Near watched shivering in fear, suddenly wondering why he'd missed him. Why he'd missed Mello, for all Mello did was hurt him. Mello stripped the boy of his clothes carefully, ghosting fingers over the naked flesh before smiling serenely. "N… no…"

"For that, I guess I'll need to be cruel." Near felt a sock shoved in his mouth as he opened it to scream and duct tape stuck over his mouth gagging him.

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Years had passed since news of L's death had reached them. Mello frowned down at the director he'd ordered kidnapped, snapping a piece of chocolate violently seeing he was being watched again. The pathetic dogs known as the mafia backed off quickly and Mello did his best to smirk. It came out as a grimance which he covered by eating more chocolate.

He slipped a hand into his pocket and felt the old crumpled message, Dove's last words. **See you in hell.** Mello snarled at the thought of the traitorous bitch making the mafia jump. Dove should be _thankful_ he bothered with the brat! No one _made _him protect her. But... he could never protect her from himself. Mello knew he'd been hurting her and he'd continued his actions anyway.

Mello thought back to Near, feeling happy suddenly. He'd unhandcuffed the boy, sure, and he'd left him in the caring hands of Matt. Matt had simple orders, Keep Near away from Roger until Mello was gone. And Matt, as Mello had expected, done as requested. Mello almost shuddered remembering Near's gagged screams. Near never screamed, and he'd gagged it. What a waste. Mello felt no guilt though, Near was fine. Near was always fine. So was Matt.

Mello left the room and smiled to himself, placing a hand to his chest as he leant on the wall. One day when he was L him and Near and Matt would all work together. It'd be perfect. That was all Mello had ever wanted. Mello hugged himself giggling in ecstasy, one day soon. One day soon they'd come back to him.

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Matt watched Near as Near played with his toys, toying with his gloves. The gloves which hid his scars running up his arms. Near had found Matt in a bath with his arms slit from wrist to elbow with bloody water and saved him. Matt wasn't sure whether or not to thank the boy at times, indeed death seemed kinder currently. He needed Mello, but Mello was gone. Mello had left him. Was Matt that useless?

Was Matt that replaceable?

Of course he was, he was Matt the nobody. The pathetic mongrel that followed Mello for no reason. He didn't love Mello, any feelings he had had were long gone beaten away by the blonde, instead he felt cold hatred. Mello had left him again, Near had saved him. Near deserved Matt's loyalty, not Mello. But Matt still prayed one day Mello would give him a reason. A reason why he left. A reason why he said goodbye to Near and not him.

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**9shadowcat9; short but an update. Like it? Hate it? ^^**


	8. Past and Future

Near watched Matt hack into a random site, and just stare. He didn't do anything. Just stared. A glance over his shoulder showed why, it was a site for helping the bereaved. "Mello is not dead." Near muttered factually sitting next to the red head who was messily sprawled on the floor, cigarette hanging from his mouth.

"He might as well be." Matt muttered behind his goggles, mouth twitching. "You know, I took up smoking because he spoke so much about _helping_ me, _protecting _me. I needed to breathe. And..." Matt moved his glove to show the circular burn, Near nodded remembering the day. He still felt satisfaction in leading Dove to her death without her realising. And yet he wished she was alive, if just to avoid that final night. "All he did was protect us, why do I miss him?" Matt ripped off his goggles and turned to Near, tears dripping down his cheeks. "Why do I miss Mello?"

"...I miss Mello to." Near griped his arm. "No matter how much he's torn me apart..." Near whispered.

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Mello was dreaming. In his dream a blonde girl with a scarred face smiled at him gently, wearing a long white dress. Her body was covered in bruises and cuts. Dove. "Dove!" Mello gasped in horror. The girl just watched him, not judging but not forgiving. "What... Why... The bruises!" Dove shrugged looking at the floor, running a hand over her neck. She signed quickly.

_I forgive._

"Forgive? Forgive what?" Mello demanded furiously. "Who did this?" He'd kill them!

_Forgive Mello for the bruises. _Dove smiled kindly at the last sign. _Not in hell_. She added triumphantly. Mello remembered forcing her to read the bible and frowned, Dove was mocking him. She'd proven his religion wrong. ...Well, Mello did deserve that much. _You love Near._ It wasn't a question.

"And?"

_Mello has set his heart on someone that now hates him._ Dove's face was pitying, it made him want to punch her. _Mello can no longer protect Near or Matt, Matt has almost died repeatedly since Mello's leaving._ Dove continued, watching her hands in interest. _All the times by his own hand._ Mello froze and that sentence. Suicide? Matt? No, no no. Matt was fine. Matt was always fine. They needed him, they need Mello damn it! _Near and Matt are protected, Mello must see them before it is too late._ Dove looked urgent.

"Dove, what is going on?" Mello slapped her furiously, watching as she turned her head with the slap and watching from the corner of her eyes.

"Mello does not understand what is happening." She hissed. Mello woke up with a scream.

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Mello ground his teeth as he shot the wall, the dream had pissed him off. Why was he dreaming of her? Dove had disappeared from his life a _long_ time ago! Mello stopped panting for some reason, tired beyond reason. She was bruised in the dream, had he done that to her? No, he was protecting her. Friends protect each other, so what Mello did was right. Yeah. Mello was right in protecting her.

...Right?

Mello threw the gun on the floor with a scream of anger, kicking it in a fit of fury. Everyone left him. Near, Matt, Dove, everyone. Why? Mello wanted to protect them... Mello's eyes widened. "Did I... make a mistake?" Mello muttered in realization. No, Near always corrected him if he made mistakes. So Mello was correct. Mello grinned, laughing loudly. Yes, he was right. He was always right. Soon he'd catch Kira and he'd become L. No one would leave him anymore. No one.

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Near shuddered suddenly. Matt was happily slumped against a wall, wine in hand. He'd been drinking more and more lately, Near had had to lock away the knives in case Matt reached another low. Matt was creative however, leading Near to guard him around computer cables. Finding Matt making a noose out of them was not Near's idea of entertaining. Near whimpered suddenly wanting to cry. Matt had done everything to forget Mello, even drugs for a period of time. Ecstasy was his favourite; the chance of dying of dehydration was higher than with heroin. And less addictive in case anything happened. Like that would happen, Mello wasn't coming back.

"I hate him." Matt slurred moving slowly. The wine bottle clicked on the floor as Matt leaned next to Near. "Mello r..." Matt hiccupped. "Mello ruined my life, you know?" Matt coughed suddenly throwing up on the floor, Near made a face of disgust standing, making sure to avoid standing in the vomit.

"I'll get a cleaner." Near muttered bitterly moving to leave. Matt tackled him sloppily, knocking Near to the floor with a yelp. Matt refused to release the child.

"Not leaving, not leaving." Matt repeated slowly. Near stopped his struggling in shock. "You wont leave me, never." Matt began to unbutton Near's top. "No, I'll make you stay." Matt's eyes were frantic as he worked, wide and scared. Near whined loudly, instinctively shutting down his mind. Matt chuckled swaying.

"Matt... knows what it's like to be raped..." Near muttered slowly. "Why does Matt wish to rape me again...?" Matt froze.

"N... No..." Matt edged off Near, slipping on the vomit and falling. Instead of getting up, he just cried bitterly curling into a ball. "I'm not... I'm not Mello. I'M NOT!" Matt cried loudly into his arms, a bead of drool slipping down his chin. Near made a face and left to get a cleaner. "please... please don't leave me alone..." Matt begged the space Near had been.

He was scared.

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Near went to find Halle, he'd made all the SPK move into the headquarters under the grounds it'd be easier and quicker. He never explained the real reason, Halle figured it out quickly, that he was scared. Scared of Mello, scared of being alone with Matt after another binge session, afraid he'd lose the Kira case to Mello. If Mello became L... Near froze in fear and knelt on the floor in fear at the thought. Mello would control the police of the world, Near would _have_ to stay with Mello. As for Matt, Matt wouldn't be able to cope. Not with anymore abuse. Halle found him that way, shivering and alone.

"More flashbacks honey?" Halle asked gently, kneeling next to Near. Near was truly thankful to Halle, without her he didn't know where he'd be.

"Matt's drunk again." Near looked up, his dull tired eyes meeting Halle's sympathetic ones. Halle frowned, thinking to her phone call. Mello was using her for information on both the Kira case and Near and Matt. Hall ground her teeth, hating herself for helping that blonde devil and wishing she could shoot him. Mello refused to meet her though so she did the next best thing, she lied to keep him away. _Near and Matt are fine, they're great._ How much of that crap could Mello listen to without getting suspicious?

"Oh... Near..." Halle leant forward to hug him and pulled away as Near flinched. "...Near..." Halle whispered sadly. "I'll make you a hot chocolate." Near flinched at the very word chocolate but nodded automatically, remembering the day Mello had forced him to eat some.

**Mello stared down at the brawling child, chocolate in hand. Near had 'hit his head' against a bookcase. Mello frowned as he knelt next to the younger boy in confusion at how to stop him. And how to stop the native bullies while he was at it. Mello suddenly grinned snapping off some chocolate. Chocolate made everything better!**

"**Hey, Nia." Mello poked the child until Near looked at Mello in confusion. The blonde generally avoided him. "Have some." Mello held up the chocolate in offering, ignoring it was melting in his fierce grip. He'd always thought it tasted better partly melted. The six year old albino shook his head furiously, he hated chocolate. **

**He avoided them since he'd seen his mother mix his father's blood into melted chocolate and ate it. Made it sweeter she'd said. His father never spoke after that, sat on his chair until his body changed and began to stink. Near hated the brown sweet, he'd eaten it when the police arrested her. Her last gift. It tasted of copper.**

"**No thanks..." Near muttered eying the chocolate like it was a trap instead of the offering it was. Mello growled, he never offered out his chocolate! The brat should be more thankful! Mello placed the remaining chocolate bar on the floor next to him and grabbed Near's wrist, pulling him into his lap. Near sat there confused. "What is... MPGH!" Mello forced the chocolate into Near's mouth, smirking as Near turned paler then before. Mello covered his mouth so Near couldn't spit out the vile candy.**

"**It's good, isn't it?" Mello asked snapping off some more when Near unwillingly swallowed the last piece he'd snapped off. Near shook his head in protest as Mello forced his mouth open for another bit. "You know, I'll protect you. I protect Matt to you know. I'll look after you to." Mello giggled as Near felt himself begin to cry again. His body refused his wish to let him throw it up. Near truly wished he could die as his 'protector' forced him to eat more chocolate. From the door a small red head watched, eyes wide at the albino's humiliation and torture.**

"Near?" Halle whispered touching Near's arm. Near slapped her hand away angrily.

"DON'T TOUCH ME!" Near heard himself wail. His voice was comparable to a banshee Near contemplated as Halle respected his wishes and backed away. "I... I'm sorry..." Near whispered. Halle smiled.

"I understand."

_**I understand.**_** Dove signed as Near watched her bandage his arm. Mello had cut it open with glass, punishing Near for going outside without permission. Near had tried to apologize only to have Dove ignore it. I w**_**ill help Near.**_** It was then Near realised he was pitied by the other kids in Wammy's.**

**Why was it Near would accept pity if it meant no longer being alone?**

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Matt now understood. Mello hated Matt and had done all along. Matt was pathetic. Matt sobbed getting up and walking to the bathroom attached to the bedroom he was in, if just to wash out the dried vomit from his hair. Mello must have always hated him, even when he'd picked up Matt aged seven.

"**You interest me." Mello commented watching Matt play chess in a corner by himself. Matt looked up, eyes confused as Mello sat in front of him and begin to play. Matt won the game. And the one after that. And the one after that. After six games Mello smirked. "I've decided, you're my new friend." If Matt had known his future, he would have ran from Wammy's and never looked back. Instead Matt beamed happily and thanked the blonde for thinking him worthy.**

Matt hated himself for being so worthless as he stepped into the shower and turned in on fully dressed in a stripy top and shorts. Matt no longer cared if he was dressed or not, only that he stank. Near would avoid him if he smelled of vomit. _Poor, poor Near being stuck with a friend like me... _Matt thought to himself in small wonder at Near even bothering with him. Matt smiled to himself, one day he'd be free from his nightmares. Until then he'd continue to nurse the pain in his heart.

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**9shadowcat9; Am I amazed I wrote this? Yes. Anyone complaining? Don't think so. I just realized I've wrote this without any swearing in it… Oo' that's a first. I want opinions about Matt, or at least how I can improve him. :/ Please?**


	9. Warning Attempt at lemon

Sometimes Near wondered what people expected from him. Matt wanted a friend; Mello wanted a slave (maybe) and everyone else... Everyone else wanted L which Near was fighting over with Mello. Mello would probably win though even if Near did capture Kira. Mello held more power then Near ever would. Matt was probably smart enough for the position but...

Near sighed and turned to Rester coldly, the man had taken it upon himself to look after Near (Near knew he was trying to please Halle, he couldn't figure out why though) and to be frank it was annoying. Near would rather they guard the red head sitting next to him with a whiskey bottle.

Wait...

"Matt will give me the whiskey." Near demanded.

"No he won't." Matt replied coldly hugging the bottle. "I ran out of wine." Near knew Matt was sober so he really wasn't in the mood.

"Matt, the last time you had alcohol you ended up coated in vomit."

"Matt." As Matt turned to look at Halle she snatched the bottle. "Thank you." She said walking away, swaying her hips as she walked. Matt gaped after her, easily resembling a goldfish.

"Now Matt is free of the alcohol will he please hack the Japanese Task forces computers? I need more information." Near needed to stop Mello from winning.

"Huh... oh... Wouldn't you be better off asking a more skilled hacker?" Matt asked awkwardly.

"Matt is the best there is." Near was becoming more and more frustrated with Matt's belief of him being worthless. If Matt was worthless Near would have him on something like paper duty.

"You don't need to lie, Mello was honest enough." Matt pouted miserably remembering the blonde. "I mean..."

"You can say the name. Mello may haunt our pasts but he will own our future if I can't beat him." Near's voice was crystal clear as he spoke making Matt realise Near wasn't trying to make him feel better than he did. "I can't talk to second L currently without them asking about Mello, so I need you to hack them and get all the info you can on the notebook."

Matt nodded. "First I get coffee." Matt sighed; the coffee would help since he'd been on another binge the night before. Hangovers were a bitch but worth it.

Pity Mello wouldn't see it that way...

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Mello had decided the day before, he needed to see Matt and Near. He knew they were ok; it was just for the sake of seeing them. Mello smiled just thinking about it. How would they look? Had their personalities changed? If so how much? Was Near sleeping ok? Was Matt still on his computer all the time? Mello needed to know so much and more, mainly how Near was coping with the Kira case.

Mello was dressed to impress, in a leather top that zipped up to his neck, leather trousers and boots to his knees covered in buckles. He'd even spent half an hour on his hair. He was so excited, he'd finally hold Matt and Near again... after so long... Mello crunched on a chocolate bar happily. He was so excited. He'd found the headquarters by tracking Halle's phone, he'd killed his spy quite happily. He'd been willing to betray Near for money, he didn't deserve to live.

Mello was about to step out (After checking his hair for the fourth time) when Matt left the building. Mello froze watching Matt in a stripped top and jeans tucked into his boots. Matt wore orange goggles and had a small smile on his face. He was pale Mello noted angrily. To pale, Near mustn't be taking very good care of him. Well that wouldn't do.

"Mattie..." Mello whispered beginning to follow him into a star bucks.

"One cappuccino please." Matt ordered flinching at the bright light above his head and the crowd. The shop was crowded, blocking Mello from view. Mello was thus free to watch Matt display the well covered signs of a hangover twitching. Either Matt had been drinking (Nah, Matt was smarter than that.) or he'd been out clubbing and was drugged (Even less like Matt). Mello's eyes followed Matt as he sat down and drank his coffee in pleasure. Mello almost laughed, how had he been worried? Yeah, Mello had been worried since he'd left. For years Mello had worried about how Matt was coping.

Mello walked over calmly and sat in the chair opposite, Matt didn't even glance his way. "Taken." Matt muttered coldly. Mello smirked leaning on the table, resting his head on his hands with his bony fingers laced together.

"Even for an old friend?" Mello asked chuckling. Matt froze and turned slowly, praying he'd misheard. "Hi." Matt bit down a scream at Mello's warm grin and cheerful wave. "How've you been Mattie?" Mello had always wanted to call Matt that but was worried whether or not Matt would like it. To be honest, all Mello wanted was to hold the red head close so he didn't care all that much. Leaning over, Mello pulled off the goggles only to freeze in cold fury. Matt's eyes were bloodshot and tired, clearly hung over.

Matt had been drinking. And smoking, Mello had watched him light a cigarette on the way here. "Matt, why are you hung over?" Mello asked smiling gently. Matt whimpered to Mello's confusion, Mello wasn't going to kill him for it. Matt must have made a mistake in how much he was drinking, Mello had done it before. Matt wouldn't drink himself drunk, Mello was sure. "Well?" Mello's voice was like sugar, sweet and inviting. A trap Matt had fallen to many times into to trust.

"I... I drank too much last night... I mean..." Matt stuttered trying to think of a decent excuse. Matt broke down sobbing, scaring Mello.

"M... Mattie?" Mello gasped leaving his chair to hug the boy... man... tightly.

"Please... Please don't hurt me..." Matt begged wrapping his arms around Mello and began crying into Mello's shoulder. "Please... It... it hurt to think of you..." Mello blinked at that statement, caught between feeling happy he meant so much to Matt and feeling sad he'd caused the red head that much anguish. Mello opted to hugging Matt closely and praying for forgiveness after he got Matt home. Near would be worried.

Matt sniffed. _Sorry Near, I couldn't stop myself._ He mentally apologised beginning to down his coffee. Matt contemplated phoning Near and warning him. "Should I tell Near?" Matt asked grinning widely at the warm blonde. Mello thought calmly, munching on his chocolate in thought.

"Nah, let's surprise him." Mello happily chirped, holding Matt closer to his chest so Matt could almost hear his heart. Mello ignored the hushed whispers of confusion and disgust from the onlookers. Let them think what they will, his Mattie was finally back. Yeah... Mello nuzzled his face into Matt's hair and sniffed smiling. They were back in his grasp now.

Matt was caught between crying and running as Mello ran a hand through his hair gently. Normally the gentle actions meant Mello was going to rape him soon. Matt wondered to himself if Mello knew how Matt felt sometimes.

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Near waited for Matt's return happily playing with his toys. Batman was currently in an epic battle between a triceratops painted a green similar to Matt's eyes with red horns and superman with an arm broken off. Sometimes Near wondered if his subconscious was trying to tell him something. Near thought of getting a hammer to smash the Batman but knew that would lead to being offered Prozac again, Halle was certain Near was depressed. Matt was the one who needed it, not Near.

Just as Near decided he was hungry someone entered, Near kept his back turned, certain it was Matt. Halle had gone home early on Near's order and everyone else was claiming sick leave. More like Matt had talked them into a drinking game gone to far. So Near didn't look up. "Hello Matt." Near greeted warmly, batman kicking the triceratops angrily for going out without permission as the superman watched powerless.

Strong arms wrapped themselves protectively around Near, warm breathe tickling Near's ear. "...Matt?" Near whispered in confusion. "Did something happen?" Near asked in worry.

"...You could say that..." Matt's voice muttered from the door bitterly. Near tensed dropping the superman toy. If Matt was near the door then who...

"Hello Near." Near couldn't stop his scream of terror at the dreaded voice, struggling until Mello released him in confusion. "Near?" Mello hugged Near again, trapping Near under his body as his legs pinned Near's arms. "Are you mad I left?" Mello cooed lovingly. "I won't leave you again. I promise." Mello meant it to, he'd missed Near. Missed Near's soft voice and warm gray eyes. Missed the feeling of warmth when he held Near close. Mello hugged Near tighter, ignoring Near's cry of terror and plea for help from Matt.

"Matt..." Near pleaded over Mello's shoulder, eyes filling with tears. Matt shook his head placing a finger to his lips. He couldn't help. Whether they liked it or not, Mello had returned to them.

"Missed you." Mello continued to coo happily. "Missed you, missed you." Near shivered, wishing Halle hadn't left. "Where's your bedroom?" Mello asked pulling away. He mistook Near's tears of fear for ones of happiness. "I know you missed me, my Near, I'm back now." Mello reassured stroking Near's head.

All of his actions were full of love, Near's were full of fear. Mello looked at Matt for directions and Matt obeyed. Mello picked up Near and followed, cuddling Near to his chest. Near lay still, like a puppet or a doll. Mello's eyes softened looking over Near. The boy was as pale as snow, and just as beautiful. The boy had turned into a man and Mello had missed it. The blonde's only worry was Near's coldness, Near must be mad he'd left. Mello giggled to himself, Near always held grudges.

Matt showed him into a empty room that could easily pass for Near's since Near hadn't touched his room. This was just a spare. Entering the room Mello placed Near down gently, watching Near shake in fear. "Why are you worried? We've done this before." Mello wondered aloud. Near bit back tears again.

Matt sat in a corner, aware Mello wouldn't let him leave yet. Mello wanted him here for some reason. "Strip." Mello ordered Near, suddenly cold and assertive. Near began to pull off his top, glancing at Matt in hope of being saved one last time. Mello watched in thought.

He'd thought the look was love.

_Does Near love Matt?_ Mello wondered to himself as Near began to pull off his trousers and boxers nervously. _Then why aren't they..._ Mello's eyes widened in understanding. _Matt is probably too worried to make a move since he knows how I feel about Near. ...I can share._ Mello decided happily.

Leaning over he picked up Near's top and tied Near's arms and wrists to the bed board tightly. He then gagged Near with a sock. "Matt, get me some tape." Mello ordered. Matt ran out of the room immediately, relieved he wouldn't have to watch. Mello leant down next to Near's ear smiling evilly. "Mattie likes you, doesn't he?" Near's eyes clamped shut as he whined, unable to escape but unable to reply. "Why not just say so, I don't mind sharing." Mello continued making Near tense.

No... He couldn't mean... Near felt himself begin to shudder as Mello began to suck on Near's ear gently. Near moaned at the feeling, squirming slightly. Mello chuckled as Matt returned with the tape. Mello stopped the sucking, noting Near's ear was red. "Have fun." Mello breathed getting up. Matt flinched seeing Mello watching him. "I'm not in the mood." Mello sighed in depression taking the tape and cello-taping Near's mouth shut. "You do it." Mello turned to Matt as Matt's jaw dropped.

Surely he wasn't still drunk! Or had he taken acid again Matt pondered ignoring Mello's order, Mello would never give one like that; it wasn't the way of the world. Mello glared as Near protested desperately through the gag. "Now." Mello ordered shoving Matt onto the bed. Mello sat down and watched the two glance at each other nervously, Matt obviously unsure what to do. Matt knelt down and began to lick Near's chest gently, making the boy moan through the gag. Mello frowned. "I expect to hear more than _that._" Honestly, he tries to help Matt and the redhead repays him by doing **that?** No wonder Near wasn't dating Matt.

Matt looked at Mello pitifully. "Please..." Matt whispered. _Don't make me... Don't make me rape my friend..._ Mello frowned walking over in annoyance. He began to pump Near quickly forcing gagged moans from the whitette. Mello found the sound beautiful... no, he was helping Matt. "Mello?"

"He likes it rough." Mello told him coldly, walking away and sitting down again. Mello made a face of discomfort feeling his own arousal. Matt looked at the panting boy in fear, unsure what to do. Matt flipped Near gently and placed the boy on all fours, shaking as he positioned himself. A glance in Mello's direction showed the blonde was watching closely and stroking himself. Matt blushed. "Aren't you going to prepare him?" Mello asked as Matt glanced at Near again.

"...huh...?"

"Blood works as well." Mello shrugged smirking. Matt was acting like a virgin. Near screamed through his gag at the comment, trying to pull himself free. Matt let out a sob as he forced himself into Near, wishing he knew what he was doing to make it less painful for the boy under him. Near screamed louder, crying as he felt himself being ripped in two, or at least that's how it felt.

Matt was larger than Mello he now remembered. Matt had only raped him once and that was so long ago Near had forgotten until now. His pleas for mercy were blocked by the gag as he felt blood drip down his thigh. Matt moved gently, trying to lessen Near's pain. It only made it hurt worse in Near's opinion.

Mello watched, face flushed as he stroked himself slowly. Who knew watching them could be this hot? He should have done this year's ago. Mello moaned pumping himself faster.

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Around ten minutes later Matt came, collapsing on Near tiredly. Near whimpered feeling the cum mixed with blood running down the inside of his leg pitifully. "Sorry." Matt whispered quietly. Mello stood up and walked over to the two happily, getting on the bed and lying next to Near. He untied Near's hands and curled up next to the boy, Matt already asleep.

"Why did Mello do that...?" Near asked after removing his gag. He'd bitten the inside of his lip from screaming so much. Mello smiled at the sight of the blood dripping from the corner of Near's mouth.

"Matt likes you, I was helping him. Like I promised." Mello explained happily moving a hand over Near's waist. "I thought it was cute, watching him struggle like that. He was so confused in how to pleasure you." Near blushed in fury but closed his eyes. His entire body hurt.

Mello kissed Near's forehead as Near also went to sleep. Mello rolled over and looked at the ceiling, happy they were finally together again.

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**9shadowcat9; ...I fail at lemons. TT^TT**** I tried people, and this is my first attempt. How was it? Good enough for everyone? Actually, that was my first ever lemon. Oo' #Ignores shocked silence# **

**Any advice on improving? Please? I know I need it. T_T I had so many ideas for this and no idea how to write it...**


	10. Oooooo angst

Near woke up with a whimper, Mello's arm still on his waist as Mello breathed slowly. An attempt at moving made Near flinch at the pain that shot up his spine. Near settled down and felt tears prick his eyes, it had been so nice and now Mello was back. Mello would kill him. Or keep him alive, death seemed kinder. Near shut his eyes tightly, curling into a small ball as he let out choked sobs. Mello, unbeknownst to the small albino, was awake and facing away from Near wide eyed. Why was Near crying? He'd been helping him! Selfish brat…

Near's thoughts were confused, was it rape if Matt hadn't wanted to sleep with him in the first place? How was he meant to feel? And why was he so calm with the blonde from Hell lying next to him?

Matt hummed as he worked in the kitchen, unwilling to show his face. He'd called the SPK and told them to take the day off, all of them had agreed. Halle had tried to argue until Matt convinced her otherwise. Matt looked at his gloves, knowing Mello would be suspicious. He'd worn them during… the 'act'. Damn, that word made it sound more innocent then it should. He'd probably just reopened Near's wounds that had barely shut from five frikkin' years ago! Matt shook his head and picked up the tray with the hot drinks, two coffees and a hot chocolate. Might as well suck up before Mello killed him.

Matt entered the room dressed in a white and black long sleeved shirt, jeans and socks, his goggles (Which he'd cut down on wearing now he wasn't as paranoid about getting hit in the face) were resting on his face. Near noticed and frowned, seeing the sadness etched on the face even with the goggles. It was a sad situation. Mello sat up and beamed at the sight of the drink, then narrowed his eyes at the goggles. Mello thought back and realised in shock Matt hadn't taken them off around him.

In fact, Matt was almost paranoid about removing them, he habitually pulled them up when he thought Mello wasn't looking. Mello smirked. "Matt, give me those gloves." He noticed Near fall out of the bed as Near slowly edged to his clothes on his knees. Mello moved to help Near, only to pause seeing Near pull on his trousers watching as bloodstains bloomed on the white pyjamas slowly. Now that drama was finished…

"Now." Mello turned back to Matt and seeing Matt's mouth narrow in defiance. "NOW!" Matt flinched and began to pick and one of the fingers nervously. "And pull off those goggles." Mello snapped. Near watched wide eyed in cruel satisfaction as Matt pulled off his goggled and dropped them on the bed, before pulling at one glove. Mello watched the glove slowly slip off. Matt paused.

"How about that drink?" Matt chirped happily tugging the glove back of jerkily and placing the drink out of arms reach of Mello. Mello glared at the red head who was edging towards the door.

"Matt, gloves or punishment. Your choice." Mello regretted the threat as soon as he saw Matt lean against the door for support as he paled to the point of his skin being the same colour as Near's normal hair colour. Mello frowned. "Mattie?" Matt broke down crying to Mello's shock, why was Matt crying? Matt shouldn't be crying! Mello was doing it to _help _Matt! Mello vowed not to hurt him over whatever he was hiding mentally, he would get Matt to trust him and then they would be happy again. "Stop crying!" Mello watched as Matt tried to stop only to make it worse.

Oh god, had Mello made a mistake? No, it was to help them. They needed him. Yeah, that's right. Mello got out of the bed, ignoring his nakedness, and walked over to the crying male, grabbing a wrist and pulling off the glove cruelly only to freeze wide eyed.

The scars were mixed ages, some months old and some years old. But they were still there, the testament to Matt's self harming tendencies. Mello instantly forgot his vow in preference for grabbing Matt's shoulders and shaking him furiously. Mello didn't stop until he accidently hit Matt's head against a wall. "Mattie! I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I…" Mello began apologising loudly, Near watching from a corner hoping he wasn't spotted.

"It's ok Mells." Matt cut him off smiling. "You were punishing me to help me." Mello froze wide eyed, standing up and backing away slowly. "You only hurt me to help me, I see that now." Matt's smile was crazed, broken as Matt giggled slightly. "How was I so stupid to not see it?" Mello watched a tear fall down Matt's face slowly as Matt gave one last smile and curled into a tight ball.

"No… Mattie… It was…" All a mistake… all of it… Near watched un-amused, twirling a strand of hair slowly. He finally worked up the courage to say it, after so long.

"May Mello leave? He has caused enough harm." Near sneered, pulling his hair so hard a few strands were pulled out. Mello looked at Near wide eyed at the hate lacing Near's words.

"But… I… I love you Near…" Mello sounded like he was begging, maybe he was. Maybe he was finally realising what his actions had caused. Or maybe it was another act, Mello abusing Near's feelings. Near refused to show his sadness, instead focusing on Matt. Matt had done this before, give him a few days in a locked room and he'd be right as rain. A few Prozac wouldn't go amiss Near listed mentally. Mello whimpered at Near's coldness. Everything was falling apart…. Matt. Mello grabbed Matt's shoulders. "Stop it. Stop it! STOP IT!" Mello screamed desperately, trying to stop Matt smiling. Just to stop the smile. Matt seemed to break out of a trance and leant away from Mello stuttering badly. He was apologizing. Matt was apologizing for nothing.

Mello frowned, deciding. "Matt, pack your things. You're coming back to the mafia with me." Mello ordered in a calm voice. Matt blinked in what Mello thought was shock, but was actually horror before nodding and staggering out of the room.

"…Mello will not take Matt." Near frowned, hoping Mello wouldn't attack. Near only had so much mental strength left. "Mello has caused Matt pain to many times." And me… Near added sadly. No, this was for Matt. Near could survive the abuse, he'd trained himself to detach himself from reality. Matt was like china, fragile and easily cracked. Mello couldn't take him.

Mello did the first thing he could think of. He kicked Near in the face, making sure Near's nose was bleeding heavily. Mello instantly regretted it, this is what was causing the mess. Near glared defiantly making Mello's heart pound faster. Something about the look in Near's eyes, he hated it but at the same time it was so damn _**hot.**_ Mello leant down and leant near Near's face, only to be backhanded by the albino who was no longer able to hold back his fury. Mello had the BALLS to think Near forgave him? No! Near would no longer slave under Mello! Mello would no longer control him! Near sniffed, hiding his tears as Mello touched his cheek slowly, feeling the pain from the slap.

Then Mello frowned slightly, holding his cheek. Near whimpered, realising his mistake. Mello would kill him. Now who would protect Matt?

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Matt walked into his room, poking the door open easily due to the lack of lock. Maybe leaving that noose lying around wasn't his best idea in the world. Anyways, Matt pulled out a bag and began throwing clothes into it carelessly. He didn't care what he was bringing; it was only the same clothes with different colours. Matt paused looking at his bed coldly. He knew Mello would kill him for this, but as he thought he realised he no longer cared. Mello was breaking him slowly, tearing him apart.

Matt knelt down and pulled out a plastic bag from inside the mattress, made accessible by a slash on the bottom. Sometimes he wondered if Near knew of the stash, of the pills and plants and needles that gave Matt a temporary euphoria. He put the items into a hidden pocket in his coat, smiling sadly. He was addicted, but he needed them. He was killing himself in anyway possible, and Matt was glad.

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Near wasn't sure how he'd gotten into this position, with Mello kissing him tenderly as the blonde ran his bony fingers through Near's hair carefully. It was a new feeling, the love Mello was making him feel. Near hated it, waiting for Mello to cause him pain again. Mello never showed Near love. Mello never showed Near anything but hate. Near whimpered into the kiss, feeling Mello gently nibble at his lower lip in demand to enter. Near complied, this was his only chance and by god he'd take it.

Mello mentally cheered 'Score!' as soon as Near opened his mouth letting Mello explore. Near had a taste he couldn't explain, slightly metallic yet… minty. Near tasted of mint for some reason Mello couldn't be bothered figuring out. Instead Mello just pushed his body harder against Near, so he was straddling him. Near moaned loudly into the kiss, not struggling like he planned to do. It felt too _good._

Matt walked into the room shouldering his bag. "So when are we…?" Matt froze seeing Mello and Near in the position, Mello obviously being careful not to hurt the boy and Near ENJOYING it. Matt stared open mouthed for a minute before snarling and storming out.

"MATT!" Mello broke the kiss and chased after the red head, leaving Near alone like he'd expected. Near chuckled leaning against the wall. This was why he trusted no one, even Halle had yet to earn his trust. _How much longer until I'm broken Mello? How long until you stop breaking my heart?_

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Mello caught Matt easily and dragged Matt out, not bothering to say goodbye to Near. Maybe if he was lucky Near would consider the kiss his goodbye. Not likely but he could hope. Matt hadn't spoken since Mello had forced him onto the motorcycle and they'd driven to wherever the mafia base was. Matt didn't wonder why he couldn't care less about the fact he was leaving his only friend behind in exchange to stay with his to be executioner.

Matt didn't care about anything actually. He no longer cared that Mello would most likely meet him for no reason. He no longer cared that Near was the only person he half trusted. And Matt no longer cared Mello was refusing to return Matt's goggles and gloves. Mello wanted control, to protect Matt. The idea was laughable to Matt. Mello killed what he wanted to protect.

Matt only wondered how long it would take for Mello to realise this.

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Near sat in the control room staring at a wall tiredly. He'd waited an hour in hopes Mello would return, if just to say goodbye. Near had hoped he was worth that much to Mello. Instead Mello had left him and taken Matt. Near couldn't stop himself as he began to cry silently, alone in the empty building. In the end, Mello always left him alone.

Is that why it hurt so much? Near wanted to gauge out his heart, just to stop it. The pain. The loneliness. The hopelessness. He wanted it all to end. "Why did you leave me Mello?" Near whispered quietly. "Was it because I defied you?" He was sorry; he would get on his knees and beg if it meant Mello would come back. Being beaten hurt less then being alone. Maybe Mello knew that. Maybe this was a new punishment.

Near pulled out his phone and dialled a number slowly, precisely and placed it to his ear. **Beep beep beep**. "Near?" Halle's voice rang out from the other end. "Is something wrong?"

"Just… Just talk to me…" Near begged. "Anything, just please." Halle must have realised Near was crying because she began to talk about her day, going into more detail then necessary before talking about her school days. Near clung onto the phone like it was his lifeline, thankful for Halle. Now he only needed to forget Matt's betrayal. To forget the hole in his heart left by Mello.


	11. Near's phobia, and it's not mello Oo'

Matt arrived at the mafia base annoyed. His hair was ruined and…. His hair was ruined. Did he need any more reason to be angry? Well, there were more reasons. He'd left Near (best thing that'd happened to him since his druggie parents OD'd) and was stuck with abuser. In short, Matt was not having a good month. Was it Karma? (He hadn't _meant_ to shoot the drug dealer, the drug dealer had tried to steal his money.)

Mello wrapped a arm around Matt's waist and physically dragged Matt to the beaten down building, humming to himself happily. It wasn't what he'd planned (Near wasn't there) but it was close enough. The door was opened by a mafia member whose name he couldn't remember and watched in confusion as Matt was lead in by the beaming and humming blonde. Matt noticed the look of pity before the man returned to guarding the door. Mello thankfully missed it. "I'll show you were your room is!" Mello happily lead Matt down a corridor, taking the most confusing route he could think off so Matt would have trouble finding the front door again.

Matt followed Mello coldly, never showing any emotion. He missed his goggles, hanging now from Mello's neck. Mello looked at Matt and smiled widely finally reaching the room and leading Matt in. He'd wanted them to share a room, but knew Matt would probably be uncomfortable with it so got Matt a room that was near his. Matt was still wondering about that pitying look the mafia person had worn when Matt arrived.

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Near rocked in his chair slowly, arms wrapped around his legs and still blood stained pyjamas. In the background Disturbed played, Near finding solace in the music which was all he could hear. Not many people knew that Near liked bands like Avanged Sevenfold and Disturbed, Near looked to innocent for it.

_Death's images are all around again  
They're right behind me  
They're gonna find me  
Judgment for the immoral sin  
That has enveloped me completely_

I know I'll never know a peaceful night again  
Afraid they'll hear me  
They don't fear me  
Punishment for the immoral crime  
That debt was never paid completely

Terror is coursing in me  
Dreading the final moments  
Where I have to be  
And feel you die

_In Asylum (I live a lie)  
Don't you know I'm in love with you  
And I wasn't ready  
For Asylum (Relive a lie)  
To let go  
Now it's dragging me into your grave  
Your Asylum (Forget the lie)  
Overcome and the feeling that I won't get to join you in time  
For the loneliness is killing me_

_(Lyrics – Asylum by Disturbed)_

Near chuckled darkly at the lyrics knotting his fingers in his hair before he screamed shrilly. He screamed and screamed and screamed. After a few minutes his throat hurt but he felt so much better. Near sighed listening to the album some more. Some of the lyrics seemed to suit his life and others were just good. Near smiled sadly, Matt would normally listen to the album with him but today… Near picked up the headphones and paused the music. He connected the person he wanted to call.

"Greetings Second L, I am N." Near started smirking. Let L kill him, what else could Near do with his life? Near would fight L and then become L himself or he would die if Mello won. He didn't care, he would not be Mello's captive anymore.

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Matt sat in the room quietly playing the DS Mello had shoved into his hands. He was surrounded by the mafia who all watched him curiously. "…So you're Mello's new bitch." One finally spoke, Rodd Matt thought his name was.

"Not new." Matt muttered.

"So you're Near?" Rodd continued, now interested if his smirk meant anything.

"No, Matt." Matt sighed eying the table. Or rather, the items on it. He recognised the bong easily having used cannabis numerous times. Matt leant over and looked over it silently, noticing Rodd's eyes held a hidden pity. That look again, Matt almost sneered. "Stop looking at me like that!" Matt snapped, nimbly picking up the bong. Rodd glared but didn't move to hurt Matt like he wished to.

"So you're the person Mello was obsessing over." Rodd's voice was like silk at the insult, watching Matt freeze. Silently Matt put down the bong and prepared it silently. Rodd watched in interest as Matt put the plant in the mouthpiece and turned it on to boil the water. "You aren't what I expected."

"What'd you expect, a sobbing mess?"

"Something like that." Rodd watched Matt smoke the bong lazily, not really caring for his surroundings. Normally people who angered Mello were shot so watching Matt was interesting. He was pretty certain Mello had banned Matt using the drugs. "He told us to watch you as he went out."

"I can watch myself." Matt sighed in contentment leaning back and blowing out. "Mello will hurt me anyway." Rodd silently agreed with Matt's calm reasoning, Mello wasn't exactly… stable. "Besides, it's this or tobacco and he stole my cigarettes." Rodd laughed loudly as Matt began to sway, his eyes becoming bloodshot. "I should call Near…"

"You're banned from using the phone." Stupid blonde who'd shoot anyone to get his way Matt thought lazily, wondering after a minute why he was so worried.

"I guessed, it's Mello." Matt shrugged smoking some more weed. His hands and feet were beginning to feel cold. They shook slightly as Matt held one up and watched with a glazed look. He smoked some more as an after thought. Rodd sat back in thought, eyes narrowed. He could use Matt…

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Ask Near what his greatest fear was and if he answered honestly it would be going outside. Mello was a VERY close second. But Mello wasn't always there despite it seeming that at times, the outside surrounded him. Near had to go outside to go anywhere. That was the only reason he feared the outside. The very thought of going out made him sick. So Near feared the outside, of going outside.

Which was why he was internally screaming when Halle dragged him out to cheer him up. Rester had come along to which lead to stares and a child in pyjamas was (Literally) dragged down the road to a deserted restaurant only Near and Halle knew had been rented out to them for two hours. It was rather cheap to Near. "You can't stay inside!" Halle insisted pulling Near along. The car wasn't working, it had 'somehow' broken down (Matt had done something to the engine rendering it useless, his idea of a prank) leading to this scene.

Near was paranoid of the taxi-man, insisting not only was he working for Mello but he'd come to kidnap Near and finish Halle. Halle had reacted by making Near walk instead. As she put it 'Kira wasn't going to bother with a family outing (he had to admit that's what it looked like) so why not walk?'

Near hated his life at that moment. He looked over his shoulder and tensed swearing he saw Mello watching him. After a near heart attack he realised the person wasn't Mello and he could breathe again. Near sighed, even in his mind Mello followed his now…

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**Mello watched Matt from the corridor as Matt played checkers with Roger. Mello had seen Matt manipulate Roger with ease, showing higher intelligence then he should in sixth place. Mello smiled to himself, Matt was hiding something. Friends tell each other everything. Him and Matt were friends but he didn't tell Mello anything. Mello pouted slightly, he'd make Matt talk. He left and found Near alone in the play room.**

**Near looked up from his 500 piece jigsaw, it had been originally white but Near had drawn a Celtic cross on it and was now trying to put it together. Mello sat next to Mello fingering his chocolate. Near paled at the sight of it. "Want some?" Mello offered happily. Near gulped nervously taking a piece, he'd be forced to eat it no matter what so why fight? Near fought down the nausea in his stomach as he swallowed.**

"**Why is Mello pestering me?" Near muttered bitterly realising his puzzle would have to wait, Mello smiled innocently, a look not reaching his eyes. The six year old shuddered at the smile.**

"**Because I'm your friend." The eight year old replied happily. "Aren't you my friend?" He leant over and hugged Near tightly, making sure to hug tight enough to slightly crush the boy. He remembered seeing A and B in the corridor, doing something he found interesting. Leaning down, Mello clashed his lips on Near's and forced his tongue entry, exploring Near's mouth happily. Near whimpered grabbing Mello's shoulders in an attempt to push Mello off.**

**Mello resisted until he needed to breathe, pulling away happily. "I enjoyed that." Mello commented lightly. Near watched the blonde leave and felt as if something important had been stolen. Near hugged himself sadly.**

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Matt was being watched intently by the mafia members as he finished the bong lazily. Matt giggled at a joke one of the men said, normally he would have been insulted at the sexist joke but he was to high to care. Someone grabbed his shoulder.

"Matt, what the hell?" Mello hissed. Matt looked at him calmly, happily. Mello glared at the clearly high boy.

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**9shadowcat9; If it's not obvious I've never done illegal drugs and probably never will so if the seen with Matt is unrealistic in anyway I apologise. ^^'**


	12. Chapter 12

Matt looked up at Mello, the high grin on his face. "Mells..." Matt said, obviously high. "Come to beat me up again?" Mello snarled, pissed at ever thinking about being nice to Matt if THIS was how he was repaid. "Karma sucks. I kill a drug dealer and then you come back, universe is a real bitch." Matt was on a roll, his brain not realising the danger of mouthing off to the twitching blonde.

"Shut up." Mello ordered.

"I mean, Near had issues with me drinking but MAN I didn't know Karma hated it to!"

"Shut up!" Mello ordered getting angrier.

"As for YOU I see you're still the same you stuck up bas..." Mello threw him to the floor and Matt lay there chuckling coldly. "Still the same." Matt sighed loudly. He found himself screaming in pain as Mello kicked him repeatedly. It was a sign of how hard the kick was since the drug had numbed the pain receptors.

"SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!" Mello screamed shrilly, eyes crazed with anger. Rodd watched emotionlessly as Matt spat out some blood after Mello aimed a kick to his face. Well, that would bruise. "I HELPED YOU!"

"Beat." Matt corrected. Mello knelt down and slapped Matt, watching his friend's head snap to the side because of the force of the slap.

"You ungrateful slut!" Mello hissed. "I helped you." Mello grabbed Matt's collar and lifted the limp body to look in Matt's slightly shut eyes. "I helped you!" Mello insisted shaking roughly. He dropped Matt and with a final kick turned to Rodd. "I see him around drugs again, I blow your balls off." Mello threatened before walking out, bloody footsteps following.

"...Not your smartest move." Rodd commented leaning so he was looking at the body. Matt chuckled slightly moving his arm. The cannabis had dulled the pain inflicted enough for him to sit up and lean against the sofa. He merely continued to chuckle as if he'd been told a joke.

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Near was not happy. The meal had been good but now he was walking back again. Alone. Seriously, were people hoping Mello would kidnap him? Again? Near sat on a bench and huffed in annoyance, looking at his sleeve as an afterthought and grimacing at the dirt on it. Halle had 'family issues' and Rester had felt the need to stalk her so Near was alone and annoyed. "Hi." Near squeaked falling off the bench, images involving Mello filling his head. None were pleasant. "You ok?" Near looked up to see a black haired Japanese man watching him, coffee in hand. "I'm Taro Matsui." He smiled slightly sitting on the bench as Near eyed him suspiciously. "Yes?"

"…Don't sneak up on me." Near sulked sitting on the bench and pulling up one leg. The man smiled brightly. "Why're you talking to me?"

"I'm on a break from work and saw a coffee shop. You looked lonely." He was to bright, Near decided, to happy. It was creepy when he was used to people of the law surrounding him.

"Being alone is kindness at times." Near muttered twirling a strand of hair. "No one can hurt you…"

"You're bullied aren't you?" Taro guessed immediately. Near paused, possibly. What Mello did was more abuse but… Near shrugged without commitment, leaving the man to decide for himself. "I feel like that in work sometimes." Near looked at Taro in interest suddenly. "What's your name?"

"…Nathanial. My friends call me Nathan." Friend, Near corrected mentally. Ex-friend he continued. …Possibly dead acquaintance. Near stopped at that line of thought as Taru started talking again.

"Can I call you Nate?" Near almost flinched, maybe he shouldn't pick aliases close to his real name. "You have cool hair, is it natural?" Near had to get away.

"Yes." Near muttered quietly, eying his escape routes.

"…You remind me of someone I used to know, he was a jerk to me constantly but he was a nice guy." Taro commented suddenly.

"Where is he?" Near asked making a plan. Taro almost wilted catching Near's attention.

"He died, we buried him in Japan." Taro sighed sadly. "Is it bad I miss him when all he did was insult me?" Taro met Near's wide eyes.

"…I'm not very good with people I'm afraid. I wouldn't know." Near stood up shakily and edged away, the Nate comment in the back of his mind. _Does he know_ he thought worryingly remembering Kira could learn names at a glance. His phone rang and Near almost dived to answer it.

"_Near?"_ Near blinked at the voice of Matt, something was off.

"Does Matt have a thick lip?" Near withheld a groan, this screamed Mello. Taro watched in interest, squealing to himself happily upon noticing a Takada billboard.

"_Yeah, I got high. I stole one guys mobile, they aren't going to notice_." Matt's voice was now triumphant, but tired. "_Near, you're good with medicine. Is coughing up blood a good sign_?" Near's breath hitched at the question and the sound of coughing.

"Can Matt reach a doctor?" Near heard another cough fit.

"_Yes, because Mello will let a doctor into the mafia base."_ Matt muttered to himself sarcasrically, Near head him anyway.

"Matt must see a doctor. Even if it means…" Near gulped unable to say it.

"_Asking Mello."_ Matt finished slowly. _"…ARE…" _Matt coughed violently as the scream irritated his throat. "_Are you crazy? He's the one that beat me!" _Matt hissed.

"Better then Matt dying from drowning on his own blood." Near sniffed loudly, feeling tears of worry for the red head male well in his eyes. "Please Matt."

"…_Near, I'm at the point I'd rather die." _Matt admitted. _"Let me go in peace."_

"…If you survive please call me Matt." Near begged before hanging up so he wouldn't need to listen to Matt do the 'of course' speech when it would irritate his throat worse. Near bit his lip as he felt a tear fall down his check.

"Are you ok?" Taro got up and leant next to Near. "Nathan?"

"I… I… I need a taxi." Near muttered. He couldn't walk back to base like this, a sobbing emotional wreck. "I don't have the money." Near realized. "I'll walk."

"Uh… I have a car." Taro offered happily. Near glanced at him remembering the statistics from Wammy's about rape and murder with hitch hikers. It was a fact that when you grew up in Wammy's you stopped trusting other people completely, Mello didn't help matters no matter what he claimed. He shook his head muttering before turning and running.

Taro watched him run in confusion. "Did I do something wrong?" He muttered checking his watch. The photo shoot had ended five minutes previous. "…Oh." He immediately ran to his car, not noticing the blonde watching with a clenched fist.

"Why is it whenever I turn my back those two try to kill themselves?" Mello snarled sitting on the bench and throwing away his crushed chocolate bar. "I should see Near…" Mello looked in the direction of the sobbing boy who was running back to base. "Near never cries." Mello bit his lip thinking. "…Did something happen with Matt?" Mello realized. "I'll phone Rodd and follow Near." Mello decided smiling happily.

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Rodd snatched his phone from Matt when it rang and answered nonchalantly. Matt sat there having got over the come down and was touching his fat lip gently, flinching every few minutes. What _had_ he done while he was high? He remembered smoking some weed… laughing… Mello… …Yeah that's all he needed to remember. Mello was the answer to all the questions along the line off 'Who beat me up?' No cigarettes AND a fat lip. Joy.

Rodd hung up and looked at Matt before smirking, it was obvious he didn't care about Mello's orders. "He's not that bad a person." Matt shrugged defending the blonde. He hated him, but he needed him. Is this what Stockholm syndrome's like? To know it's wrong but to need them anyway? After everything Mello had done to him… after that taste of freedom for all those years… Matt still needed him.

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Near knew he was being followed. Near knew Mello was behind him. No he didn't, he was being paranoid. Halle was right, he needed help. It was a justified paranoia though. Mello WAS everywhere when Near didn't expect him. For example, Near finally stopped thinking Mello was going to break into the SPK headquarters and kill him and the next day Mello turns up, makes Matt rape him and leaves while kidnapping Matt. So Near reasoned it was a justified paranoia.

Halle and Rester would be gone for a while, Near didn't care. He hated being around people. If he was alone he was safe. And he couldn't risk the SPK learning about Mello. They would claim he was biased in his search. Halle didn't know all of the details; he'd hidden the more important ones.

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Matt was thrown into the bedroom and the door was locked after him, leaving Matt annoyed. Mello had ordered he was locked in his own room to avoid causing himself harm. Matt coughed and then looked at his blood stained hand. Lazily he shrugged and wiped the blood on his trousers. Not like Mello needed to help him. Matt froze, Mello had gone to see Near… Matt almost screamed in anger.

Mello had left him for Near. Always the same. ALWAYS the same! Mello always left him behind until it suited him! Matt stopped biting his lip. There had always been a part of him which was thankful Mello stayed closer to Near… because it meant Matt was hurt less. It was a horrible thought, a terrible thought. He wished Mello on his best friend. Matt was a horrible, pathetic person.

Yes. He was pathetic. He couldn't stop Mello while Near, fragile Near, had defied Mello and virtually kicked him out. And Mello… Matt remembered walking in on the kiss between Mello and Near. Matt smiled mirthlessly.

Did Mello know Matt loved him?


	13. realizations and regret

Near got to the SPK building quicker than he expected and found it empty. He sat on the floor shivering as he hugged himself, the tears slowing until they stopped leaving Near feeling cold and empty. Near suddenly felt the need to do something, anything not involving his toys. Near sighed and stood again, abandoning them to make his way to the kitchen.

Wammy's made sure all the orphans could cook from a young age in case someone like Mello came along who decided to leave without consent. Near himself wasn't a good cook, he wasn't at all organised. As Near contemplated this he pulled open the cutlery drawer, missing the fact the knife had been put in wrong until he clenched his fist tightly around a sharp blade.

Near gasped and pulled out his hand, watching the blood drip from the cut on his hand slowly. Keeping his hand in the air he ran to the bathroom and tried to grab the bandages on the top shelf of the cupboard where Rester had put the first aid kit, almost whining realising they were out of reach. A hand reached over his head and grabbed them.

Near froze turning slowly. He tensed as Mello gently took his hand and led him out of the bathroom. Near almost cried seeing Mello's frown. Why was Mello angry? Mello shoved Near suddenly and Near didn't realise where they were until his back hit the sofa and Mello straddled him. He began bandaging Near's hand as Near fought the urge to scream loudly. "...Do you hate me?" Mello asked so quietly Near missed it. Mello looked ready to cry.

"...I love you..." Mello muttered finishing the bandaging in dejection. Near tried to shove Mello off him and Mello pinned his wrists snarling in fury at the half hearted attempt.

Near glared at Mello coldly. "Mello is crushing my wrists." Mello responded by crashing his lips on Near's and forcing his tongue into Near's mouth. He moaned tasting the taste only Near had. Near squirmed furiously, knowing if he bit down Mello would hurt him. Near felt tears of frustration build up in the back of his eyes. He ignored the miniscule hope of Mello seeing them and taking pity on him, how many times had he cried during a beating for the tears to be ignored?

He didn't realise Mello was fighting a internal battle of whether or not he should continue, knowing in the back of his mind if he continued Near would hate him. But as he felt Near squirm under him he decided he didn't care. Smirking he began to gently unbutton Near's top slowly. Near tensed before he began to thrash screaming. Mello slapped Near, instantly regretting it as the loud crack filled the air. "Please... don't..." Mello begged as Near began to cry, his shields collapsing around him. Near knew he could no longer escape. "I... I'll be gentle... Just... stop... stop crying Near... _**STOP**_!" Mello screamed shrilly tightening his grip on Near's wrists. Near looked up in horror at the blonde man sitting over him. His cruel smile. His blonde hair surrounding his face like a halo. His cold blue eyes. Near examined it all to keep his mind off the cold hand running over his now bare chest gently as Mello pinned Near with one hand easily.

Any attempts Mello made to be gentle ended when Near glared at him through his tears, eyes clouded in hate. Mello licked Near's neck teasingly, grinning as Near whimpered, before biting down hard enough to draw blood. "You're mine." Mello hissed in Near's ear. Near bit his lip as Mello removed his remaining clothing slowly tears still running down his checks. "So cute... my Near... mine." He began to kiss Near's neck as he began to remove his trousers with one hand, the other remaining on Near's wrists.

"...M... Mello..." Near whispered as Mello freed himself from his trousers. "Please... no!" Near begged seeing Mello was already hard. Near realised in dawning horror Mello no longer intended to be gentle as he forced Near on his stomach and stood. The thought of escape occurred to Near for a minute.

"Try it you'll find yourself wishing I was screwing you with a knife." Mello snarled removing his top and retrieving some lubricant from his pocket. It wouldn't do to have Near permanently injured. Mello moved back to the sofa and noticed something that made Near flush in embarrassment. "Well aren't you the cute little slut?" He giggled as Near began to cry louder in humiliation. "Already hard at the thought of my cock up your tight ass." Near buried his head into his arms, thin shoulders shaking and for a moment Mello reached out to comfort him. This was what he had wanted, Near to break. Now he needed to comfort him.

Instead Mello sat on the sofa and inserted a lubbed finger into Near's ass to prepare him. Near bit down so hard he made his lip bleed at the intruder. Mello quickly added a second finger before pulling them out and positioning himself behind Near, pinning his wrists again. Near began to whisper to himself, hoping to distract himself as Mello slowly inserted himself. Mello began to move himself slowly at a steady pace to let Near get used to him, moaning loudly. Near just continued to pray Mello would finish quickly when he hit something inside him that made him jolt in pleasure. Near's eyes widened in horror as Mello smirked. "Found it." Mello sang in a singsong voice before continuing to hit that spot, making Near pant and beg for more against his will. He'd never felt pleasure like this before.

"Mello... I... need..." Near begged through tears panting. He hated himself. No, he hated Mello. He hated Mello for doing this to him. Mello froze making Near plead even more desperately. "F... Fa..." Near shook his head to shut himself up, Mello knew what he wanted.

"Faster?" Mello whispered. Near whined but nodded, it hurt so much... he needed to cum... Mello did as requested, pounding into the powerless boy who moaned quietly. Mello came with a scream before collapsing on Near's sweaty body. Near whined, he hadn't had release yet and Mello still had him pinned. "Beg." Mello ordered in pants as he flipped Near on his back again. Near blinked at him blearily. "Beg!"

"P... Please... Mello..." Near begged. He clenched his eyes. Damn Mello! "Let me..." Mello, knowing how much this killed Near inside, reached down and grasped his small erection, pumping quickly until Near came as well. Mello looked at the sticky mess on his hand then at the tired boy before going to wash his hand in the nearby kitchen.

Near curled up feeling the liquid drip down his leg staining the sofa. He couldn't hide the rape from the SPK anymore... Near held his face in his hands and began to wail pathetically. He had given in to Mello. He'd begged and pleaded for more. He hated himself for his weakness. Mello walked back in, hands now clean, and looked at the small body with a sad frown. He'd made sure Near enjoyed it so why... did he regret it? "Near." Mello noticed Near jerk as if stung. "Let's get you a bath." Mello reached out only to have Near flinch from his touch. Mello picked up Near, cradling the scared boy in his arms and led him to a bathroom where he set him on the floor and began to fill the bath tub. Near's body hurt, evidenced by him flinching when he tried to move.

Mello had made a mistake. Near had enjoyed it but it was unwanted, now Near feared him again. Part of Mello was happy about that, now Near would listen to him again, but most of him was depressed as he remembered Near as a child. So willing to talk to him. That had all stopped when he let Near try his chocolate. Did he scare the boy? Mello turned off the taps and placed Near gently into the water, making sure the bandages stayed dry.

He had wanted for so long to make Near beg, but now he'd succeeded he thought he'd made a mistake. As Mello ran fingers through Near's hair he realised. Near had always been afraid of him and Mello had refused to see it. He'd made himself think Near and Matt were happy... how could he have missed it? Mello bit his lip as he watched Near tense every time Mello tried to comfort him. He began to wash Near slowly, ignoring the gnawing feeling of guilt and shame. Near seemed to have mentally shut down, shoulders shaking as Near stared at the water which Mello noticed was slowly turning red from where Mello had raped him.

Mello finished and pulled out Near, drying him gently and dressing him gently, like a doll. Near never made a noise or blinked, staring at the air emotionlessly. "Near?" Mello muttered, now worried. "Near." He was now a little more forceful. "NEAR!" Near jolted finally waking up from his world of dreaming in shock. He slowly begun to play with a strand of hair slowly, shaking slightly. Why did he... why... Near suddenly screamed, beginning to pull at his hair desperately. He'd finally gotten better, finally, and then Mello returned. It was always Mello.

"GET AWAY!" Near screamed curling into a ball. Mello realised Near was crying. "Please..." Near began to beg. "Please." Mello reached out to cup Near's cheek comfortingly but Near bit him wide eyed, Mello finally noting the tears of horror and shame running down Near's cheeks as he pulled away and slumped. "...get out..." Near whispered.

"What?" Mello spat out. "No! You'll hurt yourself! I have to protect you!" Near let out a shrill bark of laughter and Mello heard the undertone of madness. It was a noise he was now used to with Matt.

"You've hurt me more then you've helped me!" Near laughed loudly, hugging himself. "I hate you! I need..." Near looked at his sleeve, hiding the line of scars up his arm. Mello had hurt him, one scar for every rape. One for every beating. "I need a knife." Near whispered running out of the room still hugging himself. Mello followed him to the kitchen, confused until he saw Near grab the knife and curl into a ball chanting to himself in a hollow voice, begging to be safe. Mello backed away slowly wide eyed shaking his head in disbelief. He hadn't done this, this wasn't his fault.

"Near..."

"GET OUT!" Near lunged and Mello ducked, realising the knife was where his head had been in horror. Near wanted to kill him. "GET OUT! I HATE YOU!" Near couldn't hold the knife straight as he watched Mello flee in horror, finally understanding. Near fell to his knees. "I hate you. I hate you. I hate you." Near chanted as he pulled up his sleeve and cut slowly. The pain never stopped, but the blood was his drug. "Yes." Near's smile was crazed. "My drug."

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Mello stumbled into the base and the mafia members looked at him, only to notice him shaking in horror, paler then anything they'd seen and made all the more obvious by his black leather. He walked past holding onto the wall for some support. How he'd managed the motorbike in his state he'd never know but as he was about to step into his room he heard struggling from Matt's room. He opened the room to see Matt handcuffed to the bed and pulling furiously. It was a chain long enough for him to go anywhere in the room, even the bathroom, but he wasn't able to go too far out the room. Matt must have tried to escape.

Mello walked in chewing the inside of his cheek slowly, noticing Matt's face alternate between happy and freaked upon seeing him. Mello sat on the bed and curled up shaking like Near had done earlier that day. Mello hated himself for being so blind, so arrogant. "Why me..." Mello whispered.

"You..." Matt couldn't bring out the right words and noticing Mello look up red eyed Matt took a leap of faith. "You noticed what your actions were doing then." Matt spoke only the truth, tired of lying. Tired of fighting. He was handcuffed to a bed for Pete's sake. What more could happen to him? Mello had already beaten and raped him. "What'd Near do?"

"...Pulled a knife on me..." Mello's voice was quiet and nervous, Matt could see why. He was worried about Matt but had no clue what to do. "Did... Did I do that...?" Mello wanted to think it was a dream. Matt was honest again.

"Yes." Mello physically flinched and Matt hugged him gently, the handcuff clinking as he moved. "You did this to us." Matt's voice was soothing as Mello began to cry again.

"I won't hurt you again." Mello swore. "I swear Matt, I'll change. I'll... I'll make it up to you and Near and we'll be friends again." Matt hummed to himself as he thought this over, worst comes to the worst Mello would beat him again. Matt hadn't complained before and he wasn't going to complain now as Mello continued, sorrow eating away at him. "I'll work together with Near and we'll all be happy and..."

Sorry Mello, Matt thought, it would never be that easy. But while Mello wished for change Matt would help him because that's what friends did, they helped each other.

No matter what. Matt kissed Mello gently, finally feeling the warmth and love he longed for.

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In the base Near had reached a decision. He would never be hurt again, the next time he saw Mello he'd kill him. The whitette smiled widely at a wall. Yes, he'd kill him.


	14. How should he feel?

Mello looked at the building from his bike, his scar feeling rough as he ran a finger over it. He sighed and put his glove on again, the only interesting thing that had happened since getting the note book was losing it and getting a scar for his troubles. Mello was now as ugly on the outside as he was on the inside. Perhaps this was his punishment for hurting Near. Mello knew it would never be enough though, despite the guilt in his heart every day. Every moment. Not even Matt could make that pain go away.

Mello gulped and put on his helmet as Takada left the building. This bitch was going down.

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Matt blew out a puff of smoke as he sat back before the plan started. It was amazing revelations could change your life. Mainly, he'd realised Mello was the greatest idiot ever, an undiagnosed sociopath and had sadistic tendencies who was certain everyone was going to leave him. And Matt was the only person he trusted. _Sorry Near. So sorry._ Matt wished he had his vodka, but Mello had stopped him drinking. Mello had stopped the drugs. Mello had stopped cigarettes up until he faced Matt's withdrawal symptoms and attempted escape attempts. It was Mello's only compromise, but Matt was breaking it as he smoked another cigarette, throwing the butt of the previous one out the window.

Matt wasn't an idiot. They were going to die today. For Near's sake. And that's all that mattered to the red head. He owed the albino boy that for everything he'd done for him. Peeling him off the floor after a drinking session. Keeping him alive long enough to experience Mello _trying_ to be a lover. All of it was thanks to Near.

And that was over.

Tonight he'd die in a hail of fire and go to hell with his angel. Did Mello know? Or did Mello ignore the obvious facts? Takada was well guarded. Takada's body guards followed the belief that criminals should die. Takada most probably carried a piece of the note book. Takada was going to kill Mello, her body guards would kill him. Part of Matt looked forward to dying. He'd hidden the urges from Mello. The urge to slit his wrists. To OD on easily obtained heroin. To drink rat poison. All of it was so easy to do. Then he saw Mello's smile as he hugged him, the obvious twitching of his wrists as he restrained himself from beating Matt. And Matt realised that if he didn't be there for Mello, the blonde would go after Near.

It was all self preservation. And Matt hated it. He loved the blonde, but was afraid of him. Hell, was he meant to get over years of abuse and rape in a moment of kindness? Sometimes it felt like it was all a dream, when Mello held him at night and kissed him tenderly only for Mello to ruin it when he slapped Matt for trying to shy away or tensing in terror. It was like for every two steps forward he took one step back. Mello tried though and that's all that mattered.

At least, that's what Matt told himself.

Matt heard his phone ring three times before the person hung up, the signal. Matt started his engine with a smile. Sorry Near, guess we can't see each other again.

That was Matt's regret, his only other one being that he didn't escape the first day Mello approached him. How could he miss the cruelty in those eyes? The urge for blood? The... the... Matt drove off leaving those thoughts behind, he was looking forward to this.

_Bye._

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Near watched it all on screen, almost crying as the men shot Matt. He had seen Matt mouth 'Sorry Near' as the bullets entered him. And then he saw the church on fire, with Halle reporting Mello's death. Near had laughed. Simply laughed a small broken laugh that showed how he felt inside. Empty. He wasn't relieved, he was overjoyed. So happy he was empty. Was that even possible? Obviously if Near was feeling that. They were dead. Near was alive. Sure, Near would miss Matt but... now Near could solve the Kira case. Now Near could finish this and become L.

Near ignored the tears falling down his face. He was happy. He was fine. He wasn't sad. Near almost screamed again. Why did he miss Mello? Why did he miss that traitor? No. No. It was because it was finally over. Yeah. That's it. Near began to sob. He no longer cared.

Near gulped down his tears and ordered the retrieval of Matt's corpse coldly, Light... no, L was going down.


	15. Its not over, why does everyone think so

Mello sat up gasping. The last thing he remembered was driving the truck with Takada inside it, then the rustling of paper and a pain in his chest. Then waking up here. Mello groaned holding his head, then noticed a pale figure sitting opposite him. "Dove?" He asked quietly. Was he in hell? Dove noticed he was awake and smiled brightly before signing happily. "Of course I'm fine idiot, where am I?"

"Mu." Mello froze before snarling.

"WHAT THE HELL? I'M NOT DEAD!" He screamed standing. She watched him calmly before looking around her at the black space with what looked like windows hanging randomly around them then back at Mello with a raised eye brow that said 'seriously?' "..." Mello didn't bother arguing anymore with her and she nodded happily again.

"Mello?" Mello turned sharply and gasped seeing L. "Why is Mello here? He should be working with Near."

"But… You told me to stay away from him…" Mello stared as L hugged him lightly, he arms barely touching him. L moved back and grabbed a plate of cake that appeared out of no where.

"I did, so you didn't kill him before you needed to work together. Mello, I wanted you two to work together and surpass me." L watched Mello's face fall. "You _did_ try to work together, right?" L pushed beginning to eat the cake.

"…Uh…."

"Mello decided to be an idiot and join the mafia." Dove signed. L choked on his cake in shock. "I watched." She added seeing Mello glance at her.

"Yeah, not my smartest move." Mello admitted nervously as his idol managed to stop choking and stare at him.

"Mello, is Near even alive? Or did you kill him?" L continued eating his cake at Dove's stupid question.

"Obviously he's alive if he's not here." L sighed. Dove huffed before shrugging, the arms on the jumper moving to show more bruising. Mello looked away quickly and L ignored them in favor of looking into one of the windows. "Matt's alive despite your idiocy." L commented lightly. He didn't stand a chance as Mello shoved him out of the way to look at Matt being moved from a body bag onto a hospital bed by some police officers who obviously intended to have him put in front of a judge fairly. Mello sighed in relief. "Thanks." L muttered sarcastically looking mournfully at his ruined cake.

"Welcome." Mello retorted as he watched the doctors shaking their heads as they bandaged the wounds. "GET OFF HIM!" Mello screamed madly suddenly. "GET OFF GET OFF GET OFF!" Mello screeched bashing his fist on the window. "IF I'M DEAD HE'LL DIE TO!"

"You aren't dead drama queen." L snapped at Mello's selfishness now drinking a coffee.

"…what?..."

"You aren't dead. Takada misspelled your name four times, the death note didn't work on you." L explained slowly to the blonde.

"…What?..."

"…Must I talk like you would to a five year old? I want to get back to talking to A." L sighed putting down the cup wearily. "You didn't die. The book failed. You can see Matt and Near again." Mello felt his knees give way as he shook. He couldn't tell if it was out of relief or not. "Mello, I want you to do something for me." Mello couldn't talk, only open and shut his mouth slowly. He couldn't talk from the relief he felt in his chest. "Live a good life with Matt and Near. You need them, please don't make the mistake you did when I saw you last." L smiled kindly as Mello nodded quickly, sending his hair flying.

Dove giggled sitting on the floor. Mello finally met her eyes and Dove shrugged lightly. What's done is done. Mello laughed feeling like a weight had been lifted. "Mello." L pointed at the window showing his body, still fine despite the approaching fire. "We're out of time." Mello knew what he needed to do and jumped through the window head first, then sat up gasping. He instantly regretted it when he began coughing up ash. "I need to get out of here." He gasped staggering up and running.


	16. Chapter 16

Near looked down at Light's corpse with a smile that made the observers shiver. Halle had known Near was damaged by Mello's death but this... This was not like Near in the slightest. "Nate?" Matsuda muttered reaching out gently, remembering the small boy he'd talked to. What had happened to him?

"Don't touch me. Let me savour this." Near snapped angrily and Matsuda pulled back sadly looking at the albino who was caught between joy and sadness. "He killed... He killed Matt and Mello." The room jumped as the door behind them was kicked open and Mello staggered in, almost collapsing. He'd almost died and he ran to the building. Mello didn't care, it meant he was alive. Not trapped in the darkness like before. He savoured every gasped breath, the burning in his legs that signified exhaustion. He was alive. "...Mello..." Near whispered eyes widening as he staggered slightly. Halle moved to get between them.

"Mello, how'd you survive?" Halle asked coldly, watching Near's face for emotion. There was only horror.

"Takada misspelled my name four times." Mello snickered to himself half heartedly. "Near. I'm alive." He added brightly, smiling a joyful smile that was pure happiness. Near whimpered taking a step back. He didn't know how to feel, he remembered learning Mello was dead. This though... this... no. Mello would not kill him. He was dead. Mello was dead.

"You're dead..." Near whispered. "The church burned to ash."

"I escaped." Mello tried to step forward and Near reacted without thinking. He shoved Halle to the floor while stealing Matsuda's gun in hate. "Near?" Mello's voice was caught between confusion, fear and hope. His eyes were wide as he watched Near point it at him without attempting to aim.

"I WON'T BE TORTURED AGAIN!" Near screamed pulling the trigger. Mello was relieved Near didn't do gun training at Wammy's as the bullet missed him by miles. Near snarled pulling the trigger repeatedly, still missing as the recoil pushed the gun up unintentionally. "NEVER AGAIN! WHY? WHY COULDN'T YOU STAY _**DEAD?**_" Near watched Mello's face crumple and water fill his eyes but he was past pity. He was over the edge and into the red of bloodlust.

"What are you doing?" Matsuda was grabbed by Rester as he tried to stop Near. "He's unarmed!"

"You want to stay _out_ of this one." Rester commented as Near realised he was out of bullets. Instead Near threw the gun getting better results. It skimmed Mello's head. "Mello's had this coming." Near barely realised Rester had spoken that much instead trying to think of a new way to kill Mello.

"L told me to work with you..." Mello whispered falling to his knees shivering. The joy of living was now destroyed by the horror and sadness he now felt. He hadn't expected Near to be happy to see him but he had wanted a chance to explain. "He told me. I saw him. I saw L." Near looked at Mello squarely.

"The only time I saw L he'd walked in on you trying to rape me. I bear no affection for L. I want the title so YOU don't have it." Near spat out. Mello turned pale as the tears fell. "How am I to feel now Mello is alive? Happy? I only slept soundly when you were dead. Relieved? Mello tried to kill me more then he tried to save me. So how am I to feel?" Mello couldn't answer so Halle did for him.

"Scared. Sad." Halle started. "Confused perhaps."

"If you won't talk to me, just kill me." Mello barely heard himself; he only heard white noise in his foggy brain. "It'll hurt less..."

"LIKE YOU DID ME?" Near ran forward and Mello didn't fight as Near tackled him and wrapped his bony hands around his neck. "YOU MADE ME HATE MY LIFE! I WANTED TO DIE! MATT WAS PHYSICALLY SEEKING DEATH THROUGH DRINK AND DRUGS! YOU RUINED IT! YOU RUINED US!" Mello looked at Near tiredly.

"And I regret it." He choked out. Near tensed as his grip loosened. "I was wrong. I didn't want to lose you. I loved you, even back then. I copied my dad. What he did to my mom I did to you. I'm sorry. I thought that was love." Mello sobbed loudly grabbing Near's arm. He truly looked and sounded pathetic. "I'm so sorry." He began to repeat brokenly. Near let got and sat back as Mello cried loudly. It was a shocking image. "I needed you." Mello couldn't stop the words. "I needed you to need me like I needed you. My mind twisted everything so it fitted what _I_ wanted but I preferred that to the truth. You always hated me. Everyone always hated me."

"Mello threw someone off the roof and got away with murder." Near said reasonably.

"I didn't do it!" Mello screamed making them jump as he sat up, throwing Near off. "Matt did! I took the blame! He broke Matt's game and Matt threw him off the roof laughing!" Near eyed the mad look in Mello's face and found no lie. Near slowly realised what that meant.

"You knew Matt was... damaged... from the beginning..." Near whispered.

"Well, actually it was around three years into our friendship." Mello corrected thinking. "Maybe three and a half?"

"YOU KNEW AND YOU STILL RAPED HIM!" Near punched Mello feebly. He lacked physical strength, Near knew that and only felt helpless as Mello took the blows. Near sobbed as he hit, his hits loosing strength till his arms felt like lead. Mello just lay there letting him, it wasn't as satisfying as it would have been if he'd fought back Near thought bitterly. He fell still realising he didn't have the strength anymore. He was mentally exhausted. "I won't kill Mello." Near whispered coldly. "Mello will work for me and he will be punished for his actions." Near looked Mello in the eyes, his own cold with hate. "I will bear the title of L, Mello won't even help with the cases." Near added. Mello nodded, thankful for the fact Near wasn't killing him at that moment. Near took Halle's handcuffs and handcuffed his wrists behind his back.

Near spent half an hour sorting out things with the task force while Mello sat in the back of the car handcuffed, before he got into a different car he got a phone call. Near's face went into a cold mask and opened the door to Mello's car. "Matt died on his way to hospital." He slammed shut the door on Mello's shell-shocked face.

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9shadowcat9; Only the epilogue left! XD FINALLY! I've struggled with this fic, honestly I have. Thank you everyone for supporting me!


	17. FINALLY FINISHED! Please review!

Mello sat in the white room calmly, twirling a notebook in his hands over and over. It was so quiet, Mello made no noise as he pulled out a pen and began writing in the book. _My __name __is __Mello __and __I __made __the __greatest __mistake __in __my __life __when __I __turned __20._ He continued writing, explaining his life in the pages for the hundredth time since he'd entered the room. It was plain white, with a window to the side next to a white door and a light switch. Under the metal chair wires crossed the floor not leaving enough space for Mello's bare feet to touch the floor without touching the wires. He didn't like it, sometimes the light flickered and when they came back on he felt a shock run through his body. He finally linked the shock to the wire on the ground and just sat in the chair now since pacing made him realise how little there was to do.

He didn't remember the last time he'd saw Near since he'd been placed in the room. Mello lowered his head mournfully. Near. Why was he placed in this room? He'd done everything Near had asked for a few years ago, from paperwork to cleaning but one day he was in here, alone. Mello continued writing, wondering if someone was sat on the other side of the window watching him. Sometimes he heard voices, people talking sometimes about him but then they went away again. How long had he been here? Mello scratched his itchy arm. It was always itchy now days.

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Near watched Mello through the window. He should never have lied, he'd known how Mello was dependant on Matt and he'd told him Matt had died. Mello had blamed himself, throwing himself into his work. Near had missed the fact that Mello wasn't eating. He'd missed it until Mello collapsed. So here he was, watching Mello's body as he lay on a bed with an IV drip. He no longer needed machines and his heart had stopped failing on him. So Mello lay on the bed, a low beeping sound showing his heart beat. A nurse walked up, clipboard tucked under her arm.

"Mr River?" She asked. Near had used his real name, tired of lying. When Mello woke up (he had to, right?) Near would confess everything and then they'd work together as L. Near should have swallowed his pride all those years ago, instead he led Mello to this. "He's been showing improvement but... perhaps you should talk to him?" She offered kindly. Near never spoke to the body, knowing he'd get no response. It wasn't Mello in front of him the boy reasoned to himself whenever the thought appeared in his mind. "They say people in a coma can hear people talking to them." The nurse always talked to Near when he came in, she appeared to have a second sense at times about Near's problems. Near looked at her sadly, before turning to Mello again. "Only you visit him, perhaps he'd like the company?" She shrugged kindly. Near bit his lip nervously before reaching out and opening the door, slipping inside and sitting next to Mello's bed. He slowly reached out and took Mello's hand.

"...I'm sorry..." Near whispered. Suddenly he realised he was crying and he lay his head on the bed. "I'm so sorry." He sobbed, he'd never cried in the entire time Mello was in the hospital. "I lied. I'm so sorry I lied." Matt had left for the arranged time of a year, and Mello had mourned Matt's loss. But when Matt returned, Mello didn't acknowledge it. He didn't hear Matt talking to him and froze up when Matt touched him. And his health deteriorated despite Near's careful watch.

Then Matt really did die. He died in a fight with a drug dealer after relapsing into old habits. And while Near tried to mourn with Mello, Mello didn't understand why and instead of helping Near continue his life Mello had himself grown more distant. Then Mello collapsed and was rushed to hospital. "Matt didn't die, I wanted you to hurt. But after I tried to tell you it was a lie... you didn't accept it. You kept forgetting it." Near paused. "But when you wake up... everything will be better. I swear." Near added slightly brighter. "And then it'll be you and me, together." The team had long since split up, with Halle and Rester getting married and the others rejoining the FBI. Now only Matsuda, who'd joined SPK a few years after the Kira incident remained. "Better than before."

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Mello heard Near talking with tears falling down his face. Lied? Near had... lied? No... but it all made sense if he had... Mello put his head in his hands before pulling out his notebook. _My __name __is __Mello __and __I __just __learned __my __friend __hates __me __enough __to __tell __me __Matt __was __dead..._Mello wrote tiredly. He shut the book and stood up, dusting himself off as he did. He looked around calmly and walked to the door realising he'd never tried leaving. Then he paused and raised his hand, turning off the lights.

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**9shadowcat9; Hm... I'm happy with this end. ^^ The ending's open so make your own decisions on if he lived or died. Please review one last time?**


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